Introducing the Dear Abby of the Collegian


Every student, at one time or another, will need some form of advice. In light of the fact that our current SDSU faculty advisors (however well educated in academic dalliances) may have forgotten what it was like to be young (let’s face it, some were professors before there was light), we here at the Collegian have decided to offer our services.

What we present to you now is a student (not unlike you) to provide a more youthful, less archaic and conventional opinion on how to live your life. So here it is, a version of the world through the eyes of your peer, sometimes worthless but always entertaining (reminiscent of drunken party advice, if you will). Enjoy.

Dear Student Advisor, I go to class and work every day, and when I get back to my room each night around 9 p.m., I like to relax and watch TV. Lately my “neighbor” in the room next to me has been banging on the wall and leaving me nasty notes on my door, telling me to shut up. The TV isn’t very loud, and turning it down would mean straining to hear the thing every night. What should I do?Hassled in Hansen

Dear Hassled,Sounds like your “neighbor” lives a particularly miserable little life (come on, who goes to bed at 9:30 p.m.?) and wishes to make everyone else’s life miserable, too. However, I firmly believe that one should not forcefully alter anyone else’s sleep pattern (that’s what school is for). My advice? Compromise, of course. Go to the Dollar Store and buy a pair of earplugs for $.99. Then tape them to your rude friend’s door with a simple note that says: “Now you can stop making all that #$%ing noise.” Problem solved.

Dear Student Advisor,My roommate never listens to me. I tell her not to forget to do something, like take out the trash, and she just blows it off. I’m tired of cleaning our room all of the time without her help. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like she doesn’t care, it’s just that she doesn’t pay attention. But I don’t want to keep compensating for her lack of memory. It’s really starting to get to me. Help!Peeved in Pierson

Dear Peeved,In my experience with inattentive people, I have formulated a simple theory: People do not suffer from selective hearing, they suffer from selective response. This seems to be the case with your roommate, and to tell you the truth, I would be pretty miffed myself. There’s nothing I hate worse than being ignored. My advice? Do something excessive to get and keep her attention. Put post-it notes everywhere around the room. Eventually she will get the message. As a last resort, I recommend slapping one on her forehead while she’s sleeping. Perhaps she will receive your request via osmosis. (If you are the more vengeful type, permanent marker also works quite well in emergencies such as this). If nothing else, the look on her face when she wakes up will be priceless.

Please send your thoughts, problems, outraged opinions, and cognitive wanderings to studentadvisorSDSU