New and improved ad methods suggested

Nathan Sanderson

Nathan Sanderson

Which major brand is the official motor oil of the NBA? I’m not sure which one it is, but I bet that there is one (Why?). It is amazing to me how commercialized our society has become. In the same world where there are still starving people, the media calls for the Houston Astros to give back millions of dollars to Enron for the naming of their stadium after the company went bankrupt. Where will it end?

I think that the advertising industry needs a fresh look at the products that they are producing. Even without my mass communications degree, I could dramatically improve some of the commercials that are currently on TV.

I can’t believe that it hasn’t happened yet, but there is more money to be made on NASCAR racing. The people at Viagra who back Mark Martin could be selling a lot more of their product by adding another sponsor. They should get Oscar Mayer (Kraft Foods, Inc) to co-sponsor the #6 car. That way when he wins, they can have some guy in an Oscar Mayer wiener suit standing in victory lane next to the Viagra car. If that won’t sell pills, nothing will. They may also reach a greater audience using The Rock as a spokesman instead of Bob Dole.

Maybe someone should talk to the CEO of Gateway and tell him that cows are female. That way they could change the voice of the Holstein on the commercials to a more feminine one. This realistic approach may shake the radical citified hackers who have never seen any livestock before it landed on their plate, but it will certainly increase Midwest sales. How many ponytail-wearing people sporting khakis and a white button-down shirt sit on a straw bale in their barn to watch the Olympics anyway?

Finally, Mazda needs to get that little boy to whisper anything other than “Zoom-Zoom.” Pretty soon they’re going to have psychologists breaking down their door in an attempt to rescue the child from some mental anguish. To avoid the lawsuits, Mazda should release a new commercial?this time with him riding his bike along a highway, and getting blown to the ground by the speed of the cars racing past him. Then he can show the drivers his little one-finger greeting followed by some good expletives. At least then the psychologists would know that he is normal.

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