Humor Guy haters are an unpatriotic, evil kind of people

Brian Lecuyer

Brian Lecuyer

Throughout this school year, we’ve had some laughs, some chuckles, a few sighs, more than a few angry rants but overall one thing has been consistent: certain people don’t like this column.

I know this because of the dozens upon hundreds of strangers have walked up to me, punched me in the face and said, “I don’t like your column.” Others have been more civilized with regards to expressing their dislike: in my opinion a handwritten death threat adds a wonderfully personal touch to any intelligent criticism I receive.

All of that being said, one simple truth unites all of my column’s detractors: they are un-American terrorist sympathizers. I’m serious; I do not joke about such things. As shocking as it sounds, every person who dislikes my column is quite simply a threat to our national security, our liberty and our way of life.

I can already hear certain extreme left-wing liberals: “But what proof do you have of this? Why is that every person who disagrees with you is labeled ‘un-American?’ I thought this country stood for freedom of speech and ideas, or is that only the case when they agree with you?”

These left-wing nuts just don’t get it. When it comes to matters of national security and safety, things such as evidence and proof do not matter. What does matter is that these people, by disagreeing with me, are clearly harming the war effort and helping terrorists destroy our way of life.

What’s even more shameful is that our government has decided to ignore this threat to our national security. For some reason our government is willing to spend millions of dollars trying to convince us that people who use controlled substances are pro-terrorist, but it vehemently refuses to spend one dime to convince us that the people who hate my column are pro-terrorist. This is absurd – clearly the people who smoke marijuana are much less dangerous to our democracy than those who would dare question what I say in my columns.

You don’t believe me? You wonder what I’ve done to prove my patriotism? Well, let me just say: God bless America, land that I love. Stand beside her, and guide her, from the something, something above.

I am a patriot; this column is patriotic; and those who don’t like it are as bad as the terrorists.

E-mail comments to the Humor Guy at [email protected]