Did I write that out loud?

Andy Moore

Andy Moore

The commercials for Disney World always seem to show overly excited little kids dragging their overly excited little parents down the streets of this children’s wonderland, a where midgets and crazies fit right in.

“Daddy, I got an autograph from ‘Leave Me the !$#% Alone Dwarf from Snow White!” the munchkins seem to say.

The thing you don’t get from the commercials is how much fun Disney World can be for grown kids.

Grown kids like, oh, let’s say…your average college student.

Even if all of Disney World’s rides burned to the ground tomorrow, it would still be one of the most thrilling theme parks around.

Hold on, I have to take some of that back. If we’re fantasizing about Disney World’s demise, we have to pretend that the “It’s a Small World” ride wouldn’t burn down.

Think of all those little robot people inside whose mouths make the same syllable movement for each word of the song, melting in joyful harmony.

To tell the truth, I’m more fond of the idea of beating each of them with a Louisville Slugger.

Ok, enough fantasizing.

I’d like to tell you how the Disney characters who walk around Disney World make the theme park an immature adult’s dream.

Don’t worry. We won’t be needing our autograph books.

You know how you always get that incredible urge to take your car up onto the curb every time you see the Pizza Ranch chicken doing his thing? Take away the car, put the chicken in a children’s movie and you have Disney World.

Since I have some experience with this sort of thing, I can tell you that Disney allows you to get away with one good stuffed animal beating per visit. Pooh, let’s reopen the wound…

While walking through the Canada portion of the World Showcase at Epcot Center, three of my friends and I saw the honey-loving Winnie the Pooh himself standing next to a bench.

We decided to go over to the giant bear, maybe only to say, “Hey, Winnie, love your show! How are ya?”

It seemed that Winnie, however, was too busy signing autographs for the little children to pay us much more than a wave..

Not letting this get me down, I decided that Pooh might like to box a little.

Bears like to box, don’t they?

I decided to aim for the nose, because it looked like it was made of Styrofoam?I wanted to be sure that the padding wouldn’t keep Pooh from noticing my grand gesture of friendship.

The nose, I discovered, was where the guy inside the Pooh costume kept his face. Whoops.

So Winnie had to leave for a while and a security guard threatened to kick me out of Epcot.

Lucky for me, I was able to get the guard to believe that the whole thing was an accident. The worst thing that happened was the kids “booing” me as they would boo a logger in the Hundred Acre Woods while throwing their popcorn boxes in my direction.

I thanked them, although I wasn’t hungry.

The moral of the story is this, kids: if you are willing to face a mob of angry children, Disney World can rid you of some aggressions. Just so you know, though?they won’t believe it’s an accident if you sock Cinderella.