Here come those cray-zay SA elections, kids!

Todd Vanderwerff

Todd Vanderwerff

Guess what, fans of random pieces of paper! It’s time for another exciting round of Students’ Association elections! I can sense your thrill and excitement.

You can probably look forward to seeing posters that say such things as “Smith and Jones: They hold the answers” and “Brown and Black: Like who you vote for is going to matter.”

This is the time for all the wanna-be future politicians to hop on board the politics bandwagon and make something of themselves. Tom Daschle did it. And now seemingly millions of others are, threatening to bury us in pastel colored sheets emblazoned with slogans that are sickening the first time you hear them.

I know it’s not exactly going out on a limb for me to complain about the SA elections. The elections are right up there with UPD and Aramark on the list of things everyone complains about, but I feel the need to speak of them for they irritate me so.

True, the SA decides what to do with all of those pesky student fees we give them every year, sitting on this giant pile of a money and allocating it to the chosen few, growing dragon-like in their greed like Eustace in “The Voyage of the Dawn Treader” (Wow! A reference only five people will understand!).

True, I should probably care more about this because my money is important to me and I want to make sure it’s spent on things I actually support (I don’t want to see any of it going into a giant SA slush fund that pays for Ben Solomon to swim in a giant vat full of $240,000 worth of puddin’).

And true, I should probably vote on this because the people I vote for will ultimately determine the future of certain things at this university (like how much money KSDJ gets or how much money I get) and blah, blah, blah.

Honestly, though, by the time these elections roll around, I just don’t care. I’ve been handed enough pencils and buttons and lollipops that I could easily bury the entire country of Luxembourg with the political propaganda I have been given. I just want everything to be over with, so I vote for who everybody else is voting for in the hopes that a clear winner will be declared and we won’t have to live through a Florida-esque situation at SDSU, with the hanging chads in Pierson Hall being counted over and over.

I wage my own silent protest every year against the SA elections. I turn the posters upside down. I don’t know exactly what this proves, but it makes me feel like I’m saying something, even when the posters are turned right-side-up again by campaign henchmen the next day.

I have noticed in recent years that to win an SA election, your ticket must be composed of a.) two guys who look like they would be fun to party with or b.) one guy who looks like he would be fun to party with and a really hot chick.

Forget about women running for office themselves! It is forbidden in our land of icy tundra! But if they want to run for vice-president, they should go ahead! That certainly won’t threaten the establishment! Especially if they look really good in hot pants …

So, my friends, vote for the partiers or vote for the hot pants.

The choice is yours.

Todd VanDerWerff is the Collegian’s managing editor. Write to him at [email protected]