Michael Gill

Hypothetically speaking, we need to put serious thought into the future of athletics here at SDSU. At risk of a Jackrabbit lynching, I say this: there is only one team on this campus that could handle DI. That, my friends, is Jackrabbit hockey, the future cash cow of SDSU athletics.

President Miller, pay attention: If you want to make money off the athletic teams at this great institution, there is only one feasible move. Take Jackrabbit hockey from the unknown depths of a club team and upgrade it to the only DI sport on campus.

Stick with me- it makes no sense, but that is the beauty of this plan.

To take all of SDSU athletics to that DI elite we all know will break some serious Jackrabbit bank. To take one team would cost far less.

So SDSU fooled the Board of Regents and got the green light, and are now looking for a conference to join in the conference located in states in far off rocky lands. Before the big truck of financial costs of traveling barrels into the Miller and Oiens happy van, pay attention and let someone else drive.

UND went DI first in hockey, establishing a championship caliber club and making big dollars off of their winning ways. The Jackrabbit hockey team could not do the same but neither will any of the other athletics at the DI level. It would take time, but during that painful period the Jackrabbit club could be playing the DI teams located only a comfortable bus ride away. That would be financially sound.

By not going belly up before a team could establish itself with the reduced expenses all would benefit. Imagine the awe-inspiring competitive girth the rest of Jackrabbit athletics would have in the NCC and DII. That my ignorant ass assumes would be far more financially sound.

In the mean time, the hockey team could improve by getting leftover talent from Minnesota, North Dakota, and Canada. Eventually rivaling those schools in talented incoming freshman, they will raise high the stick of SDSU hockey glory. That may be overly optimistic but if SDSU could get into the same conference as say, UND, they will be playing hockey against the highest caliber and that would attract talent.

At least if the team does suck, and it will, what would be a better sport to lose consistently in. In hockey you can lose, but still retain, some sense of your manhood by beating the hell out of the fast-skating, sharp-shooting, pretty boy talent that just lit up the scoreboards on you. You get a stick. There are many things you can do when locked in the cage with a stick and/or fists. It is also much more entertaining to see a team lose as long as they are beating the crap out of someone. If the football team were to stick the ball up someone’s legs after losing that would be much more fulfilling.

We like violence, give us violence. I want to see the baseball team lose and someone crack the catcher with the bat, or beat the hell out of the shortstop while rounding second. I would pay to see that. I haven’t heard about the track team calling a meet due to uncontrollable violence. The hockey team has.

It makes sense. Go DI hockey, scholarship every no-talented goon you can mangle from our fellow neighbors in iced over hell and beat the hell out of someone.

That is financially sound.

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