Mr. Steckelberg has decided our school needs a new rival

Dj Steckelberg

Dj Steckelberg

I know that everyone’s mind is on the impending war. I may yet furnish a column on this.

I have a few opinions on this, and quite frankly I am sick of some of my more uneducated acquaintances sounding off on this subject.

However, now is not that time. I have another conflict in mind this week.

Why in the world would we choose to have USD as our rival?

What do they have that would even necessitate a rivalry? A dome? What is that? So they play football in a shed, big deal!

They are in Vermillion, for crying out loud. Vermillion that just got a McDonalds. That’s about the extent of that town’s excitement in the last twenty years.

Do they make their own ice cream?

I think not!

Our ladies just smoked them Monday night for the NCAA II regional championship (nice work, Jacks). We need not fear or even think about Vermin-town any longer.

I propose that we choose another school to rival with. Maybe one of the Ivy-league schools. Or another school that uses “the Pride” for their band name. There are a few of those jokers around.

Speaking of “the Pride”. Doesn’t that sound that a gay and lesbian coalition? Don’t get me wrong, it’s a fabulous name. Simply Fabulous!

Honestly I like the name. I like the “Statesmen” as well. It sounds so … official. Other fine arts departments should get their own names. The debate team could be called “The Masters”(I know you get it). Our theatre department should be called, oh I don’t know, maybe “the Pugsley players.”

But of course, I digress. What the hell was I talking about? Oh yeah, a new rival.

Let’s just start some crap with National American University. Why not? They have a campus in the Mall of America. We could compete with them in roller coaster riding, or powershopping for the extremely poor.

Or hey! Why not West Point Military Academy? Our ROTC dept. calls itself the “West Point of the Plains.” Let’s start a rivalry with them!

Do they make their own ice cream? Do they have a great theatre department? I have no idea.

I do know that they walk around with huge back packs, but we have a kid on campus that uses a camping pack to carry his books (I get a kick out of that guy, he makes me happy).

We have Sgt. Chavez, who do they got? Our Coughlin Alumni Campanile would put any phallic symbol they have to shame.

Help me out here folks; join the campaign to get rid of the Coyotes. I have lost interest in this so- called rivalry. To tell the truth, I lose interest in most things rather quickly.

Unless of course they are nice and shiny.

DJ Steckelberg would start a rivalry with his underpants if he had his druthers because they’ve started to stink after six weeks. This makes him ANGRY! Write to him at [email protected].