Tony Venhuizen is just a sexalicious hunk of meat

Hallie Thomas

Hallie Thomas

Tony Venhuizen is a honey-tongued sex god! I mean-whoa!-come and invade my country Mr. From the Right! Oh! My! God! The way he’s so political and shit really pushes MY pulsating red button of destruction. He is total MOAB-Mother of All Babes. Yowza! I particularly love it when we completely disagree. Sometimes I pretend he says things like “Bill Janklow has been around politics long enough to know how to work with others, and how to get results,” just to get me all hot and bothered. And when we do agree it is like having sweet, sweet makeup sex. I know we’ve only been pitted against each other a few times on this page but let me tell you-the chemistry! The tension! I must say, these past couple of Wednesdays, I’ve walked around town with an almost post-coital afterglow that only Bob Dole could rival.Oh please, Mr. Venhuizen, object harder! My only hope is that next year the Collegian becomes a daily so we can fight every night!I still don’t know what that Megan Dahle was thinking. It takes a different kind of woman to leave a prize piece of Republican ass like Tony’s behind. Just between you and me, I heard she couldn’t handle his incredible drive. Oh, but baby, I CAN!I used to be in love with that guy on CNN with the sexy red bowtie but I’ve learned that only so much credit can be given to useless props.It takes true talent to turn me on. And Tony, your skills …Mad politicals skills …Oh HONEY!!!Sometimes I wonder if we’re two halves of some crazy mixed-up soul.Yes, I think Tony and I make beautiful music together. Maybe one day we’ll make beautiful babies together. Beautiful, beautiful little Remocrats and Depublicans that sit around and snicker at the Green Party babies on the block. Oh, Mr. Venhuizen, I heart you!

Write to Hallie Thomas at [email protected]