Hallie Thomas

The University Police Department is displeased with its image.

“We’re mighty pissed off,” said UPD Chief Butch Konkel, “The snotty looks the student body gives us is completely uncalled for. People don’t seem to realize that what we do saves lives … and makes money for the physical plant.”

From parking violation appeals to hand gestures, students have been displaying negative attitudes toward the campus police for years.

Clive Brook, an English exchange student that has been working with the UPD for a year and a half, has his own theory on the stigma that police officers have to face on campus.

“I believe the negative connotation associated with law enforcement can be derived from the way in which the media portrays us,” he said,

“Ever since the Keystone Cops, police officers have been stereotyped as bumbling imbeciles who have nothing better to do than trip over their own trousers and club people over the head. In all actuality, our job requires much more of us than that. Granted there is some tripping and clubbing, but that tends to be more rampant among the work study set.”

Officer Jean Simmons feels that the hard work she puts in is underrated by the students.

“When I pull you over for a stop sign violation, you have to understand that it’s for a reason,” she said, “Like this one time I had to pull a person over for not waiting long enough. If that kid had only waited 10 seconds longer, he would have been a minute removed from hitting the bunny that crossed that intersection 50 seconds prior.”

In an effort to polish the tarnish off their pewter badges, the UPD will be hosting a “Howdy Ya’ll. We Have Souls” potluck barbecue next Thursday in the basement of the Family Resource Management Center. Students from all departments are encouraged to attend. Parking is limited, so driving over is recommended.

Officer Hank Mastiff is excited for the get together.

“It’s going to be bitchin’,” he said, “We’re going to show all those punk kids out there that clean, legal fun is what we’re all about. We’re going to eat some clean, legal vittles, then we’re going to play some clean, legal bingo. I think.”