Libby Hill

I have a lot of underwear.

I mention this not to brag, but as a qualifying statement before I go off on the inevitable rant that is to follow, to not seem unfair.

When I watch television, one of my favorite things to do is watch shows that make me feel better about my own life. While watching such drivel I could tell myself, “At least my mom isn’t suing me,” or “At least my husband isn’t cheating on me with his sister who’s cheating on him with their mom,” and so I felt calmed.

As of late, I have discovered a new TV show to ease the doubts and fears about my life. So thoroughly does it dispel my fears regarding newly wedded state that I often find myself thinking, “Man, I am so smart! Todd and I the best married couple ever!” And compared to these two, we are.

I watch MTV’s “Newlyweds: Jessica and Nick” because I cannot help myself. Watching such an ill-matched pair stumble through, not only a relationship, but simply life itself is completely irresistible. It’s not so much former 98 Degrees front man Nick Lachey that bothers me. He actually has a modicum of common sense and life experience. It’s his flighty, immature, yet lovely wife Jessica Simpson that really burns my butt.

And that brings me back to my opening statement. On a recent episode of “Newlyweds” Simpson accidentally spent $750 on two bras and two pairs of underwear. I say accidentally because it wasn’t until after she picked out the items, after she signed the credit card receipt, after she left the store that she thought to check how much the items were. She then called her husband to tell him what she’d done.

I can’t even identify what it is that bothers me most about this story. Maybe it’s the amount of money she spends. Maybe it’s the way she doesn’t even bother to check the price tag on her purchases. Maybe it’s the way she calls her husband to report the incident as though it’s not her fault. Or maybe it’s the fact that this couple is so far from a typical newlywed couple it leaves me mind-boggled.

The fact is there are a lot of difficulties involved in marriage, beyond the fights about hot backup dancers and whether or not to get a maid featured on the show. And yet, for all the real problems regarding finances, insurance, and simply life itself, my husband and I weather it all like champs. Perhaps it’s because we replace sulking and whining with discussion and compromise. Or maybe it’s that we’re at least vaguely compatible.

Ultimately, we’re a great couple. And the “Newlyweds?” Well, they’re a great TV show. And I’m OK with that.

However, we are still looking for a good maid.

Reach the hilarious Libby Hill at [email protected].