Young Mr. Steckelberg remains shocked at Super Bowl boobies

Dj Steckelberg

Dj Steckelberg

Women you should be ashamed of yourselves. I can’t believe that you would let a little thing like biology ruin your bodies. You are disgusting, vile creatures, with no sense of decency. I can’t even believe that you have those things! And when Janet Jackson showed hers off the other night the entire world wanted to wretch.

Or at least that’s what it sounds like if you have been watching the news lately. I must say, that moment fulfilled a dream of mine, and now, finally, I can die a happy man.

How a punk like Justin got to do that I don’t know … lets not talk about him, I am too depressed.

You want to know who I feel the most sorry for? Janet’s costumer. Yeah! She must feel awful. Apparently the whole thing was nothing but a huge mistake. That breast panel was not supposed to come off in Justin’s hand. Her costume must have just fallen apart. I bet Janet’s costumer just feels absolutely awful. I mean, to take all the time to build an outfit like that, and to have it fall apart during its first performance … and on live TV no less. She is probably looking for a new job right now. What are the chances?

But, America has no sympathy for a simple mistake. Americans have cried out, the nation over, saying: Nay! We don’t want to see a woman’s breast with our entertainment. Mary Lou Retton, our cute little 4’10” gold medal winner from the 1984 Olympics says that she was offended. After all she has four daughters, and how will they ever learn to be ashamed of their bodies if things like this are allowed to continue?

There is another lady filing a class action lawsuit against Ms. Jackson. Yup, that’s right, you too can join her in trying to profit from the absolute moral degradation this world suffered from seeing a partially obscured breast.

I am a little mad at Ms. Jackson though, and her little twerp friend, J.T. It clearly was no accident. It wasn’t the costumer’s fault. No one makes tear away breast panels unless someone intends to tear them off. And the video evidence pretty much tells all: that was a choreographed moment. Shocking, I know. But I am not mad about the incident. I can’t stand that these two stars decided to lie about it.

I know that we as consumers are constantly treated as if we are mindless lemmings dashing for the cliff. I know the rest of the world thinks we are stupid. That’s fine. But when two people do what they did, and then lie about it, you have to wonder just how brainless they truly think we are.

The thing was televised so they can’t think we are blind. It was recorded so they must realize the move would be scrutinized in slow motion. Did they really believe that they could fool us? And why?

Why not just say it was what they wanted to show with their art. Couldn’t they just say that it was a statement? We heard all week long about a special guest. I think we know who, or at least what, the special guest was now. Why not just back up their action afterwards by saying that yes, it was planned.

Why you ask? Because either they are incredibly stupid, which is likely, or even more likely, they guessed that we were too stupid to know the truth.

And in truth they are right. They are from the same industry that tells us that the reason there has been a slip in CD sales is our fault. What kind of industry gets to blame the consumer for slips in sales? They want us to believe that it is Internet downloads. Not the fact that MTV and VH1 have stopped showing music videos … NO! Its our fault and we should feel bad.

What a load of crap. It’s not our fault their business is slipping. And women, you should feel great about your bodies, not ashamed. And all of us need to stop letting those in power pee down our leg and tell us it’s raining.

DJ Steckelberg has a lovely pair of coconuts as well. Talk to him about them at [email protected].