Screws on the Bed: A Timeline

Libby Hill

Libby Hill

Submitted for your amusement this week, a timeline from early Monday morning:

1:30 a.m. My husband and I finish our second viewing of the film American Splendor, an inventive, entertaining, 2003 movie that was recently released to DVD and video. A good time was had by all.

1:45 a.m. We retire to the boudoir to unwind while reading and watching some Friends.

1:50 a.m. After some jostling and a few unkind words exchanged between myself and the DVD player, I determine that the appliance is all kinds of broken. At this point it seems like the problem at hand is that the disk isn’t spinning within the device. DVD player broken.

1:51 a.m. Husband, sure that he can fix the malfunctioning product begins to poke at it while I turn online for help.

2:11 a.m. Husband decides the only forseeable course of action is to dismantle the DVD player. On the bed. I decide that I don’t care and just want to go to sleep. Husband calls for a screwdriver.

2:12 a.m. DVD player still broken.

2:13 a.m. I return to the bedroom with screwdriver and resist urge to jam it into husband’s exposed thigh. I then proceed to sit on the bed, pantsless and ready for bed, hold cat and watch husband begin to destroy my most precious electronic device.

2:31 a.m. Husband determines that the problem is that the disk isn’t spinning within player. Screws are everywhere. I resist urge to weep openly.

2:34 a.m. DVD player still broken.

2:35 a.m. Husband begins to reassemble DVD player.

2:36 a.m. I bunk down for the night with nearly an hour of my life completely wasted, praying for a cease to my inner turmoil and wondering if my husband realizes how lucky he is to have such an understanding and loving wife.

Reach the owner of a now broken DVD player Libby Hill at [email protected].