Sex in This City

Crystal Hohenthaner

Crystal Hohenthaner

The Meet Market

Every weekend college students and young adults dress up and head out for the evening. Whether they head downtown or to private parties, a lot of folks are out on the town Thursday through Saturday night.

Why do they go? Are they all looking for love? Or are they looking for the “hook up?”

This past Friday the Collegian went out on the town to find out the answers to these questions and more. We administered a highly unscientific and very sassy survey about sex and relationships.

We managed to catch 10 men and 10 women who were willing to discuss their sexploits with a total stranger. Of course they wouldn’t tell us their names. But we found out some other interesting facts.

None of the people we surveyed admitted to looking for someone to hook up with. Yet the majority of those surveyed had actually had a one-night stand with someone they had met in a bar or at a party.

One man said he wouldn’t go to the bar looking for a girlfriend, “No way,” he said, “what kind of a girl do you meet at a bar?”

Right now the majority of women are thinking, “What kind of man do you meet at a bar?” Well, we found men with a rather wide range of experience. We even spoke to a few homosexual men who said that for them the hardest part about dating in Brookings is “just not knowing who else is gay.”

One of the gay men said, “If I see someone I’m interested in I have to assume they’re straight, so it’s hard to meet and get to know possible boyfriends.”

All but one of the men we spoke to admitted to having a one-night stand. Most of the men even said that they would do it again. Plus, the one man who had yet to engage in a one-night stand said that he probably would, if given an opportune situation.

One of the men, a 26-year old graduate student, said he wouldn’t have another one-night stand.

“That’s not how I see sex. I have to have an emotional or intellectual connection with a woman,” he said.

The grad student added, “I wish women knew that sometimes going for the nice guy is a good thing. A**holes stay a**holes and nice guys shouldn’t finish last.”

Besides our grad student, the majority of men involved with our survey were also okay with the idea of engaging in casual sex. A few of the men who don’t have casual sex said they would if they didn’t have girlfriends.

But the double-standard lives on.

Although the majority of men surveyed said they have and would continue to have one-night stands, a large percentage also said they wouldn’t have a relationship with a girl who would have a one-night stand.

The ladies represented a broader range of experiences, simply because we met a virgin while we were out. This 22-year-old woman did think she might have a one-night stand under certain circumstances and she said she would feel okay about engaging in heavy petting with someone on a first date.

Most of the women we spoke to were more conservative, but we met a 23-year-old SDSU graduate who admitted to having sex in some risky places on campus.

“I had sex in the library, that was the most fun. But also, you know, dorm rooms and McCrory Gardens. Oh, and the track by the library, what is it called? Sexhauer Field.” Then the exhibitionist laughed at her pun and added, “That was fun too.”

In general the women we spoke to had had sex with fewer partners than the men we spoke to, and the women told us they were less willing to engage in casual sex or one-night-stands.

There are some things that women wish men knew about women, and some relationship and sex issues they wish men were more serious about. One married 23-year-old woman told us that she would rather men didn’t want to do so many “weird things” in the bedroom, but wouldn’t elaborate further on what a “weird thing” consisted of.

The bride did tell us that she wished men could find “the spot” without direction, and commented that her own husband is getting better and better at it.

“Men are always so worried about quantity,” the bride complained. “I hate that. How about concentrating on quality for a change? I’d rather have it really good once than do it six times crappy.”

About Sex On Campus

If you live on campus and you want to have sex, it’s safest to find a discreet place to do it. Around 3 a.m. Good Friday morning, however, a pair decided to give it a whirl on one of the Ping-Pong tables in Larson Commons.

Unfortunately, the ping-pong table wasn’t too private and their picture was taken.

Freshman Adam Quail had a camera on hand and he snapped the shot.

Quail’s friend Terrel Backes, also a freshman, made use of the photo and printed up about 40 posters as well as posting a link to the photo on his Web site.

The posters were posted and soon taken down. The students assumed that the posters were taken down by Larson Complex Director Troy Alfson. Alfson, however, was unable to comment.

“The incident is under investigation right now so I’m not able to comment,” Alfson said.

This incident has stirred up quite a bit of controversy and revealed the attitudes of some students about sex and sexuality.

Matt Kurtz, a freshman mechanical engineering major from Garretson, said, “I just can’t believe someone had enough balls to do it on a Ping-Pong table. I guess since they did it they deserve to have their picture up.”

Kurtz also said that he’d probably never do such a thing because it was “too risky.”

Freshman Laura Bly, also from Garretson, had a different reaction.

“It was really stupid. It shouldn’t have been posted,” Bly said. “I’d be really mad if I was that girl, but I’d never be put in that situation.”

Although Bly didn’t actually see the poster she said, “Everyone knows about it. I keep hearing people talking about it.”

Not Everbody’s Doin It

Brookings Wesleyan Church recently finished a series of lessons about sex and relationships that stressed abstinence before marriage as a healthy and Biblical lifestyle.

Randy and Stacey Hanson of Brookings taught the class, based on the book Song of Solomon from the Bible, on Sunday mornings. Randy said the class was about the Biblical way of viewing dating relationships and marriage.

“The Biblical view of sex is that it was designed by God to be enjoyed by one man and one woman within a monogamous marriage relationship,” Randy said.

“Within His (God’s) framework it’s a beautiful thing.”

Randy hopes that college students won’t buy into the idea that you should do whatever feels good. “In the end,” he said, “It will leave you empty and disappointed and ultimately used and cheapened.”

Stacey agreed with her husband and stressed how beautiful it is to save yourself for marriage.

“Even if you’ve already had sex you can ask for forgiveness,” Stacey said. “God is forgiving and you can start over.”

Two of the Hanson’s students from the class, sophomore mechanical engineering major Dustin Bakker and sophomore nursing major Jillian Boelter, have been dating for about a year and a half. The two are waiting until they are married to have sex.

Both Bakker and Boelter thought that the Song of Solomon class was informative and helpful.

“We talked about the way a man should treat a woman,” Boelter said. “I think in today’s society we tend to lower our standards of how a woman should be treated and respected.”

Bakker agreed. “A man should take responsibility for keeping the dating relationship pure.”

Purity isn’t an easy standard, Bakker and Boelter said, but they believe it is worth it.

“It takes the effort of both people, otherwise there will be pressure,” Bakker said.

“If you obey, God will bless,” Boelter said.

“It’s a daily battle,” Bakker said. “The fact that we know we’re going to be married and were so in love – that’s why it takes two people. I’ll be strong one day and she’ll be strong at another time.”

Both said they know that it will be better if they wait and that they are thankful for their partnership in purity.

“Every single day I thank her for who she is,” Bakker said. “I can count on her to be faithful.”

Bakker and Boetler encouraged women to “guard their hearts” and “wait for the special person God has for you.”

For those who haven’t waited for marriage, Bakker said, “God can restore anything that a man (or woman) has taken away from you.”

Boetler said to think of your sexuality as a “gift to give to your future spouse.”

“Even if you’ve already opened it,” Boelter said, “if you repent, God can rewrap your present.”