Vignettes of campaign absurdity

Tony Gorder

Tony GorderEditor-in-Chief

Well, election season is nearly over. wlkerwlsarcasm> I’m so sad to see it go wlkerwl/sarcasm> Thankfully, some candidates gave us some great laughs and audibly uncomfortable winces along the way. Here are some of those candidates.

Basil Marceaux Dot Com

He may be crazy or he may be a marketing genius.

“Hello, I’m Basil Marceaux Dot Com,” said the Republican Tennessee gubernatorial primary candidate in an appearance on a local NBC affiliate. Introducing your website as your name is certainly a novel concept. While his name is simply Basil Marceaux, visiting the actual is like taking a trip to crazy person’s webpage circa 1997. It may seem at first like Marceaux is trolling us all, but with claims like “VOTE FOR ME AND IF I WIN I WILL IMMUNE YOU FROM ALL STATE CRIMES FOR THE REST OF YOU LIFE!” and something about the current American flag not being the correct American flag, it’s clearly too weird to be a parody.

Phil Davison stump speech

Republican Phil Davison wants to be treasurer of Stark County, Ohio. I don’t think you understand: he really wants to be treasurer of Stark County, Ohio. He’s angry8212;so angry that, during his stump speech, his voice cracks, he stumbles on his self-proclaimed favorite quotation and he looks like he’s about to either cry or stab somebody … while crying. His angry and aggressive Howard Beale approach to selling himself didn’t get him the nomination, but it gave us some painfully hilarious video.

Rent is Too Damn High

Simple, direct and to the point New York’s Rent Is Too Damn High Party has a simple platform: Rent is too damn high. The party’s founder and New York gubernatorial candidate Jimmy McMillan made the party’s stance very clear at an Oct. 18 debate, despite audible laughter though his catch phrase (“rent is too damn high!”) was met with seemingly genuine applause.

The party’s stance on gay marriage is also very simple: “… if you want to marry a shoe, I’ll marry you,” says McMillan.

Fun Fact! McMillan also claims to be a karate expert.

She’s not a witch.

She’s not a witch. She’s YOU. Who would have predicted that in 2010 we’d have the issue of whether a candidate is a witch or not? Delaware Republic candidate Christine O’Donnell gained national attention after Bill Maher aired a clip from Politically Incorrect in which a younger O’Donnell admits to taking part in witchcraft as a teen. While she may have only dabbled in witchcraft as a teen (and let’s be honest, what normal, super-Christian, anti-masturbation adults didn’t do a little hocus pocus back in the day? Am I right?) her admission raised more than a few eyebrows. O’Donnell responded with a simple, 30-seccond TV ad that began with the now-parodied phrase “I’m not a witch.”

From now on, should all candidates have to specify they aren’t witches? Yes. Yes they should.

A Walking Parody

Do you like guns? Horses? Inspiring western-movie music? No-nonsense, populist straight talk? If the answers to all these were “darn tootin'” then this Alabama agriculture commission primary ad for Dale Peterson is for you. With an over the top feel and quick camera cuts reminiscent of a Christopher Nolan fight scene, this ad could easily pass as an Saturday Night Live Parody. Sadly, Peterson didn’t get the nomination, so we can only imagine what his general election ads would have looked like.