John Hult

A group of mop-headed brits calling themselves the Beatles caused a near-riot Saturday when they showed up unannounced at Danny’s Lounge in Brookings for a rapid-fire six song set of radio friendly pop.

Apparently, these misfits posing as choirboys are “the next big thing.” Even as critics decry their sing-songy sound as a cheap Oasis knockoff, the Beatles seem to gain momentum.

Rolling Stone pop culture columnist Frankie Lee Burton quipped that one day this group of English slopjobs may rival the Dave Matthews Band in popularity. Like that’s gonna happen …

Even so, the group may manage to parlay the hype into some reasonable success. It seems the road to stardom may be short indeed. Judging from the looks on the faces of adoring fans at Danny’s, the Beatles may have already arrived.

“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God oh my God!!” screamed one young lady (who I swear must have gotten in with a fake ID) when I asked her what she thought of singer Paul McCartney. “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!!!”

After the show, the young lady (who was too busy drooling to give her name) had to be escorted out of the bar. Apparently, the shrieking youngster’s cries were quieted when she actually approached the bassist/vocalist after the show. The nervous fan stood stone silent for about thirty seconds before vomiting all over the Liverputlian’s shoes. He showed impressive resilience.

“Oh, it happens all the time, mate,” I think he said (he is English, after all). “Once in Stockholm, some bird screamed so hard she bloody passed out.”

McCartney, who explained that he was a bit too “buggered” to keep talking, introduced me to the equally unintelligible but much taller John Lennon, who plays guitar and sings for the group.

Lennon said that the impromptu stop in Brookings was a nice breather from the pressure of the Roc-a-fella Express tour, during which they open for headliner Jay-Z. Their last stop was Lake Preston.

“Jigga’s OK mostly, but sometimes he can be a twat,” Lennon said.

Lennon soon retreated to the back of the bar with a roadie named Joe Joe to play Vegas-style Yahtzee, a game he said he learned from Roc-a-fella family member Beanie Segal. I tried to speak with lead guitarist George Harrison, but he only muttered something about Krishna and wandered off to stare at the sign on the Pheasant Lounge.

Starr was sitting at the bar pretending to be Mark McGrath when I got his attention. The meeting, however, was short-lived.

When asked about the group’s stylistic similarities in both music and fashion to Oasis, Starr downed a shot and punched me in the face.

“You take those Gallagers and stick them up your ass,” he shouted as he kicked me in the ribs.

Working for Jay-Z must be more stressful than I ever imagined. And how.

The next stop for the Roc-a-fella tour is the Bootylicious Boots Bar in Canby, Minn. Tickets for the show are $245 ($244.50 for SDSU students with ID), and are available at Info Exchange.