Brady C. Mallory

The dawn of a new grassroots movement has emerged in a political hotspot: California. Despite the fact that Fox News makes me want to hold my head under water until the bubbles stop, it actually offered a fascinating article about a schoolteacher’s efforts in making the world a more harmonious place. I love it when teachers reach out to their students to inspire greatness, and promote thought-provoking admonitions. I fondly remember my favorite teacher, my high school journalism teacher, telling me that the only Spanish I would ever need to know is, “Cerveza, uno más por favor.”

During National Ally Week, Tara Miller, a teacher at the Faith Ringgold School of Arts and Science in Hayward, Calif., passed out cards to her elementary-aged students encouraging them to pledge their allegiance towards homosexuals and their promise to never harm them verbally or otherwise.

I applaud Miller’s gracious attempts at promoting a world of kindness to developing minds. I stress the importance of planting seeds that do not endorse the hatred that many children are taught by older role models. Though I immensely dislike children, I believe that if the role models in their lives would teach them to not be gigantic tools, I would find them more tolerable. Thank you, Tara Miller, for stepping up and teaching your students to accept others despite whatever propaganda has been utilized, because it turns out that those who are “different” are indeed living, breathing and functioning humans.

Why should we stop there? Miller’s agenda, clearly a commendable position, employs a very cunning marketing strategy that we have seen in the past – targeting children. The word, “target,” conjures up a negative connotation; I simply mean we should make children provide a written statement of what not to do in the future. Though it has been used for the evils of society, such as tobacco companies, illicit drugs, consumerism and the High School Musical franchise, targeting children is a tactic that could provide a much-needed relief from society’s unhinged annoyances.

During this week several things have caused me to roll my eyes so far to the back of my head, one would swear that I was the subject of an exorcism. While at work to earn an honest living in order to pay rent and support my budding scrapbooking addiction, an irate lady accosted me because her gift card that was mailed to her two days prior had not yet arrived. I wish her teacher had made her sign a pledge to find something else to be a raving lunatic about, rather than a free product. Perhaps this pledge could have included reading about poverty-stricken areas of this country, and others that are still using the dated paper gift certificate rather than the handy plastic cards she is taking for granted. Oh yeah, and the fact that they may not have homes with running water.

The kid version of the man who told me the grave details of his prostate surgery could have signed a pledge to not tell a stranger, me, the intimate details of his medical history. Why can’t these people just have the decency to wear a pseudo-smile to cover up the true misery that they carry with them like the rest of us do? Call me old-fashioned, but it is called “manners.” The guy who cut me off on Sixth Street should have promised not to drive like a Neanderthal in order to get a prime parking spot in the Pizza Hut lot. On Halloween, a lady in Michigan sent children away from her doorstep crying because she refused to give them candy if they and their parents supported Obama. A simple affirmation to not discriminate against Obama supporters and to deny all children candy on Halloween would have been much more comical.

I am sure that you, the students of SDSU, can relate to my lament. How many of you think that parents should have forced your next door neighbors to sign a waver that would relinquish their rights to play Guitar Hero until 5 a.m. on the eve of a math final? Let’s not forget about that friend in every group whose sole purpose in life is to suck all the fun out of the evening. I believe the correct terminology for such an individual is a “Debbie Downer.” As a child, their plight should have been to watch more heart-warming episodes of Full House, rather than sitting alone in the dark replaying that Avril Lavigne CD. Furthermore, if I had my druthers, someone would have locked little Avril in the basement until she vowed to never screech teen angst into a microphone.

Conversely, I am ecstatic that John McCain never commissioned a statement barring him from picking Sarah Palin as a running mate. I have to say that I am a huge fan of Sarah Palin, because, as was pointed out to me, she single-handedly ruined McCain’s campaign. God bless you Sarah Palin, God bless you and your imminent 2012 presidential campaign to nowhere!