New year, new you: you still suck


Every year it’s the same thing. On a dance floor surrounded by sweaty people in small hats, the building smells like champagne. Balloons start falling and you forgot one thing: who are you going to be this year?

On the last day of the semester you told that girl you liked her, or you told that boy you liked him and now they’re in the corner making out with their ex-girlfriend/boyfriend. You’re thumbing the straw of your sparkling grape juice and hoping that other guy/girl from the corner of the room looks at you. They don’t, and you go home with a sugar headache and another year of regret. 

So what’s the deal? Carpe diem, seize the day and so on. Another year, another 365 days of self-help books. That ball in Times Square drops and your future husband/wife is in the corner with someone else. 

So what’s wrong with them? You read all the right magazines. You learned the right yoga moves. By all accounts you should be Ryan Reynolds or Blake Lively. I need you to take a deep breath and look at the mirror: 

You suck. 

Now, you don’t suck, but for all intents and purposes let’s say you do. 

The New Year does not require a new you and we shouldn’t assume that it does, because our lives are not hinging on the drop of a ball. Kathy Griffin and Anderson Cooper do not dictate our futures. 

So, what do we do when faced with our very mortal and momentary lives?

1. Take a look at your major. What are you doing with the rest of your life? Who will be around you when you succeed? And what will they say if you fail? 

2. Look at the people around you. Do they want you to succeed? Do they hold themselves up to your opinion? How often would you want to see them again?

3. Listen to some different music. Have you ever caught yourself ear deep in a pity party, rocking out to Led Zeppelin at a different time of the month? I have. Stop listening to bad music. 

4. And who ever said you need to be an astronaut? Be a co-pilot. Or maybe even just a cab driver. Your life is endless, take yourself into the infinite. 


Garrett Ammesmaki is a news editor at The Collegian and can be reached at [email protected]