Editor’s Note: The grading system used here is similar to the 10-point scale used in SDSU courses.
GRADE: F
Contrary to what people might think, most movie critics don’t enjoy reviewing horrible movies. It’s more fun to try to inspire people to see something new and exciting, something we’re passionate about.
It’s a bit hard to follow a review for the best film this year, “Blade Runner 2049,” with a review of what’s arguably one of the worst films this year, “Geostorm.”
It’s more of a chore to sit down and type out a scathing review of the most recent garbage to hit the multiplex. But what’s even more of a chore is sitting through the almost two-hour long snore-fest that is this film.
For a movie about a weather Armageddon, “Geostorm” is soul-crushingly, painstakingly boring.
The film is set in the near future, after a series of worldwide weather disasters wipe out entire cities. You only have to look to this year’s hurricanes to see this movie isn’t totally unrealistic.
However, unlike real life, the world’s leaders in “Geostorm” take comprehensive action to prevent more weather-related devastation. They band together and create “Dutch Boy,” a network of satellites that encompass the globe. Controlled by an updated International Space Station, these satellites come equipped with the necessary tools to prevent disastrous weather conditions.
But when someone begins to disrupt the Dutch Boy’s operating system, Jake Lawson (Gerard Butler), the chief architect for the project, and his brother Max Lawson (Jim Sturgess) from the U.S. State Department, begin to unravel the rather obvious mystery of who wants to weaponize the project.
On the surface, this seems like a rather interesting plot. It certainly has a more interesting premise of more financially successful disaster flicks like “2012,” “The Day After Tomorrow” and “San Andreas,” which “Geostorm” rides the coattails of.
However, the mystery surrounding Dutch Boy is obvious within the first 20 minutes of the film. Casting directors need to take note: when pitching a mystery to audiences, you don’t cast someone most recognized as a villain to be one of the main suspects. It was too easy to call the reveal of this film’s main villain.
But the film was accurate in its casting for the rest of the film, getting a diverse range of talent for the crew of the International Space Station, where a majority of the film actually takes place.
Of course, the reasoning this character had didn’t come close to justifying what they did. Millions are killed in a pathetic and totally unfeasible power grab filled with plot holes.
Whether or not the science in “Geostorm” was plausible, I wasn’t sold on it. To add to that, nothing creative was even done with it. I am sure scientific experts were consulted for the film. But apparently the screenwriters for this mess weren’t able to gain any unique story ideas from them. “Geostorm’s” science is only used to create a problem in this cheap action flick.
As far as the cast goes, this is mostly the Butler/Sturgess show. The film plays up their brother dynamic, but even there I wasn’t taken.
But the good news: “Blade Runner 2049” is still showing at Brookings Cinema 8. That film can easily wash the bad taste out of anyone’s mouth after “Geostorm.” “Only the Brave” might also be able to offer some much needed counter-programming.
Ian Lack is a reporter at The Collegian and can be reached at [email protected].
