I’m going to be introducing my new series, “how not to play yourself,” but first we are going to define the phrase; what does it really mean to play yourself? It simply means to put yourself in a compromising situation. You know, like scoring a goal against your own team.

Now that definitions are out of the way, we are going to get to the grimy business of how not to look like clown in your next relationship. Remember the women in the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You?” Well, I’m about to make sure you can’t relate. Thank me later.

The lying game

I have heard that 55 percent of communication is body language. Y’all know what that means? It’s easier to catch a liar in the act than you think. That feeling in your gut when they are being insincere is not paranoia, that’s your brain interpreting their body language and serving you the tea. If your partner’s answer to “how was your day?” and “what’s up with you?” is always a lie. Need I say more?

It’s not elementary

I’m not here to tell you to play detective, I’m here to do the opposite. If you feel a need to “borrow” their phone to know who they’re talking to or play “Blue’s Clues” to find out if they are still into you, it’s time to have the grown-up conversation.

There are no sweet homes in Alabama

OK, so we’ve come down to the real crust. The story of an ex. I am not here to theorize whether a person can or should be friends with their ex. I’m here to tell you why you should not get back together with your ex. Sometimes we are tempted to give things another shot if they didn’t end badly, but here’s the thing, you broke up for a reason. If you could not deal with the issues then, you probably can’t deal with them now.

Two cannot play that game

It is fair to say staying with a cheating partner is a bad idea. An even worse idea is thinking revenge hookups with someone else is smart. In that situation, you might become like the person you hurt and you hurt yourself even more. Leave cheating to the experts.

As nice as it is to be in a relationship, it’s only worth it when you’re with someone who cares about you. It’s important to be with someone who invests as much into the relationship as you do.