Nathan Sanderson

For those lucky individuals who reside in the dormitories of this fine campus, at this point in the semester, most every idea for passing time has been tried. If your floor is stuck in a rut and needs something to do, here are some ideas to spice up dorm life.

Buy a guitar. You do not actually need to know how to use one. All you need to do is sit in front of the TV with GAC, CMT, MTV, VH1 etc. on and pretend that you can play and that you really know what you’re doing. With time, you may actually develop some skill at hitting chords. This is not required, however. If you leave your door open while watching these TV shows, some cheap sheet music of a popular song openly visible and a guitar across your knee, members of the opposite sex will drift to you, as if in a trance. It’s absolutely guaranteed to work. If not, it may be because you are actually trying to play. If unsure as to what you are doing, DO NOT ATTEMPT. This could place your persona in serious jeopardy. In sales terms, sell the sizzle, not the steak.

Start a floor debate team. Some possible topics include bringing back the big hair bands, spandex, headbands, huge sunglasses and white Velcro shoes from the 1980’s; or the eternal question, Why do we sometimes bite the inside of our cheek; does our brain temporarily shut off or not? Any debate topic will improve the standard of dorm living by killing time, and it’s more fun to argue than study, especially when influenced by foreign substances.

Develop new practical jokes and refine your technique. Nothing inspires people like the opportunity to annoy fellow students in new and interesting ways. Be creative! Taking a 2X4 and using #9 wire to lock in a neighbor is fun, as is using the water-filled bathroom trash can as a morning alarm clock, when placed outside the unsuspecting RA’s door. Shaving cream can be used in numerous applications, as can certain other personal care items. Pennies are an endless source of fun; if you don’t know how to penny in a neighbor, ask an older hall member (maybe your RA).

When it comes to wasting time, college students are professionals. If these ideas don’t manage to kill time, there’s always Nintendo.

E-mail comments to Nathan at [email protected].