Brian Lecuyer

Society considers our generation a bunch of greedy, self-centered jerks. It would shock them to learn that we think of others every once in awhile. It would shock them see a bunch of young, able-bodied college students contributing to an organization that seeks to make someone else’s life better. This is why I strongly encourage all of you to contribute your time and energy to a non-profit organization.

And one non-profit organization in particular comes to mind: an organization I founded two years ago with the single intent of making the world I live in a better place. This organization is the A Date for Lurch Foundation or “ADLF” for short. For the record, yes, Lurch is my bad high school nickname.

As the name suggests, the ADLF exists with the express intent of finding me a date. A worthy cause, indeed. I know what you’re all thinking: “I wish I could help the ADLF, but I’m only one person, and what can one person do?” To begin with, you can throw that pessimistic attitude out with the bottle of rum I drown my despair in. You can also help by doing simple things: the next time you see an attractive lady around campus, ask her if she’d be willing to support the foundation, then get her name and number.

Of course, financial help is always needed. The Foundation needs money to spend on advertising: a large billboard and television ad campaign is being developed as I write. Obviously, the ad campaign will use Derek Jeter’s picture, because (as you can tell from the mug shot above) I’m not exactly beautiful. The Foundation also needs money to pay for any expenses that occur on possible dates — I hear that Taco John’s might be raising prices on their Border Fries soon.

Any names/numbers or donations you wish to give can be sent to the Collegian, care of the “ADLF” or e-mailed to me at the address below. Also, for a donation of $3, you can subscribe to the ADLF Update, the official e-mailed newsletter of the foundation. The Update is published Bi-whenevertheheckIfeellikeit.

Yes, I know we need to strive for cures to AIDS, cancer, heart disease and so on. Countless people suffer from these diseases everyday. However, I make you laugh, and people suffering from fatal diseases never do. So, really, whom would you rather give your money to?

E-mail comments to “The Humor Guy” at [email protected].