Libby Hill

Dear Libby

The other night, my girlfriend and I slept together. I swore I would not do this until I was married.

It has put a real strain on our relationship. I love her and want to be with her, but I hate what I did. — Sad and Confused

Dear Sad and Confused

I know that you are upset right now, and for good reason. No matter what anyone tells you, what happened was a big deal and probably a life-altering thing.

What you need to do, Sad, is take some time and figure out exactly where you want to go from here.

There is absolutely no reason that you ever have to have sex again, until you are married, but that is a decision that you have to make. Everyone makes mistakes, but that does not mean that we are unable to fix them.

However, maybe that is not the way you feel. Maybe your views on your life and relationships have changed since high school, and that is fine too.

Those are decisions that you will have to make on your own.

But what you need to remember, Sad, is that you are not alone in this situation.

What is your girlfriend feeling right now? How does she feel about the whole incident?

As painful and uncomfortable as it may be, you need to talk to her and find out where she is emotionally.

Judging from your adverse reaction, I am guessing she may be feeling very rejected right now.

Do not lose sight, Sad, of the fact that you are not the only person affected by this.

I know you love her, so take care of her and make sure that your own emotions do not block out the fact that someone very dear to you might be hurting too.

Dear Libby,

I am a freshman this year and I have a huge problem. My parents are driving me insane!

They expect me to come home every weekend (and I live two hours away!) If I even begin to refuse, my mom starts crying and I cannot handle it.

I am an only child, and I know my parents miss me, but trucking home every weekend makes me feel like I am not really in college at all.

Not to mention that I do not have any time to work on any of my homework. It is crazy, but I just do not know what to do! How can I tell my parents to cut the cord without hurting their feelings? — Torn and Irritated

Dear Torn and Irritated

First of all, I would try and refrain from telling your parents to cut the cord. It just probably would not go over well.

Other than that, I think you need to try and cut a deal with your parents.

Next time you are home (which I can only expect will be this weekend) sit down with your parents and explain to them exactly how their actions are making you feel.

Tell them that you do not want to make them sad, but there is just no way for you to keep coming home every weekend and still keep your grades up or feel like a real college student.

Try suggesting to them that you come home one weekend a month or every six weeks.

Plus, promise that when you are home, you will spend quality time with them, instead of just sitting around and moping about the fact that you are home and not at school.

In addition you could always get them a subscription, to, say, your college newspaper and have them feel like they are more connected and in the loop when it comes to your life away from home.

All in all, Torn, I am sure your parents are reasonable people.

Once they find out how they are making you feel, and how concerned you are with their feelings, they might be more willing to compromise with you about coming home every weekend.

Ask Libby Hill to answer your personal questions. Send her an e-mail at [email protected].