Nathan Sanderson

For those adventurous souls entering college for a year of superlative upper-Midwestern education, our youthful, ever-active minds often venture far away from physics, algebra or sociology and into more frivolous things … like the opposite sex.

It may be hard for some starry-eyed newcomers to appreciate, but there is life after the back seat of mom and dad’s used Honda with the girl they knew since third grade. The “educational” possibilities are endless, so be cognizant of certain guidelines in order to achieve maximum success.

First, don’t go after the first fish you can catch. Admire it, then throw it back and go for the real trophy.

There are lots of ducks on the pond, so keep your options open and never, ever commit to a long-term relationship, especially in the first three weeks of school. If you do, you may end up watching the game from the cheap seats, instead of sitting in the front row hitting on the cheerleaders.

Second, if you go all out and ask out a senior from the college of pharmacy, engineering or education and your sorry college of general registration butt hasn’t decided on a major yet … LIE! It is easy to change majors, so at least act like you have some goals for your future.

Say that you are studying something completely different than they are and talk about how interesting that subject is. If you don’t, you will get shot down more often than George Costanza at a lesbian convention. Remember, it is only a lie if you don’t believe it.

Finally, do you remember high school? If you do, forget it! Nobody wants to hear about how great Canton’s basketball team was in the “old days” and how close you were to winning the state championship. Those times are long gone and we don’t care if you were “The Man” in high school.

Ask more questions than you answer and be sure not to talk about politics or religion. Nothing will end a date faster than telling your new Republican sweetheart that Bill Janklow is a putz.

Remember! You’re in college! Endless opportunities are at your fingertips. Don’t give in to the pressure to settle down or the temptation to pass out on your first date.

By following these simple guidelines, you may have a slim chance of getting a date or the guts to talk to a good-looking member of the opposite sex.

Contact Nathan Sanderson at [email protected].