Dj Steckelberg

Sometimes life throws you lemons and you must make lemonade. But what do you do when it throws you $65 crystal eggs?

I was at a conference in Cedar Falls, Iowa, this week, where some friends and I (including this newspaper’s illustrious managing editor) decided to explore the night life on our last night in town.

Not knowing what to expect we walked into a establishment named Berk’s. We ordered some drinks and found a table. This is really where the story starts.

Next to our table was a group of four guys who looked like their idea of fun was pulling each other’s pants down in front of women.

At their table was a man in a Denver Broncos winter hat and a Chicago Bulls zip up jacket. He was taking their picture. Soon one of the guys started pointing at our table and I thought that that would be the start of a terrible night.

Boy, was I wrong!

The man in the hat came over and wanted to take our picture. We agreed and figured that was that.

Nope.

He introduced himself as Doug and asked where we were from. When he found out he exclaimed, “Aren’t happy you came down here where it gets real cold?”

Not quite knowing how to respond to this, I nodded and smiled. He gave me a high five.

His next question, directed at my friend Sarah and me, caught all of us off guard.

“So how long have you two been married?”

“We’re just friends” she said.

“NO!” he said back, and quickly decided that we needed to be.

After a few more high fives and a couple more beers he asked how long it would be before we did get married. Playing along with him I say that it will have to be at least three years from now. He pondered this, then got very serious.

He puffed on his Camel and said to me, “I’m not a real spiritual man, but there are some things I do believe in.” He then pulled a crystal egg out of his pocket.

This was not something that most people bring with them to a bar so I am naturally a bit taken back.

“What the hell is that?”

“Shhhh,” he said. “I want you and Sarah to grab a hold of this egg and close your eyes.”

“Uh-huh” I said. We did so and after thirty seconds or so he told us to open our eyes.

He then told us that he has given away thirteen or eighteen of these eggs and has thirteen or eighteen solid marriages still going.

Then he handed us the egg and said that if it doesn’t work out we should send the egg back to him. Doug in Cedar Falls.

Do you know him? No?

Well I’m sure he will be easy to find when I need to send the egg back.

But now, I have some explaining to do to my girlfriend.

DJ Steckelberg is planning on beginning a religion based around theworship of crystal eggs. Join him at [email protected].