Dj Steckelberg

You live in a screwy world my friend.

I’m not sure what happened. There are a lot of things that are just wrong.

I’m watching the TV the other day, minding my own business when suddenly two female cops jump out of their cruiser and start molesting this kid who looks like a vagrant because he just smells so darn good.

Yeah, he apparently has on this great body deodorant that the female species finds impossible to resist. Therefore, they must GIVE IN TO THEIR PRIMAL URGES!

These professional women, police officers no less, are simply left powerless under their attraction to this man and his scent.

First off what the hell is body deodorant?

This crap comes to us from Europe, the home of greasy, smelly, snooty European men and their hairy female counterparts.

Yup, I gotta get me some o’ that!

Last year I saw the same sort of product that came in a windex type bottle. The names they had for their scents must have been named by the same people who translate Chinese take out menus.

One was named Abs. So what? I should smell like my stomach already does? I just need to spread that intoxicating scent to the rest of my body?

All I can say is that if this stuff actually works on women the way they promote it, every bar in town can close its doors because everybody is getting some tonight.

Speaking of getting some, I see that Michelob now promotes casual sex between strangers as well. Two people are on an elevator and the woman starts coming on to the man.

Soon the doors close and when they get off (the elevator you dirty little monkey) he asks for her name. Good play the ad says as they part ways.

Must not have been that good.

Where the hell are we? How is that even remotely o.k. knowing what we do about the dangers of random casual sex? Has a cure for AIDS been discovered? Can beer now cure the clap?

Maybe Michelob can only be found in a utopia where no one needs to worry about personal responsibility or common decency (think of the poor hotel janitor!).

Have you seen the commercial for the new woman’s sand volleyball game for the X-box? I won’t even describe this thing.

All I will say is that centuries of work to elevate women’s status in this world have just been defiled by a game geared toward young adolescent males who don’t know how to treat a woman in the first place.

I feel for these lads, they are in serious trouble if they ever do get a chance to date.

But hey, that is TV for you: less of a social conscience than a drunken John Rocker.

My real problem lies in real everyday average people; you know … morons.

I was at the basketball games on Saturday night having a blast watching our teams destroy NDSU. However, during the woman’s game a couple of kids kept yelling out “lesbian” every time the NDSU players had the ball.

Now I’m saying that this was the lowest form of ignorance and belittling to women everywhere no matter what their sexual orientation happens to be.

Did they realize that by making fun of the other team in that way they were also mocking the team that they were rooting for?

Did they have any inkling that what they were saying was just mean and stupid and a form of hate that the rest of society is trying to do away with?

Do they know how to tie their own shoes?

Can they form thoughts that don’t start with “Dude wouldn’t it be cool if…?”

Can they see that the world doesn’t stop two feet from their self-indulgent faces?

I think the answer to these questions can be answered with: If a tree falls in a forest would they know what a tree is?

So yeah, you live in a crazy mixed up world and there is nothing you can do about it.

Fortunately for me, I live in a perpetual dream state where floors are trampolines and squash tastes like cotton candy.

Come visit some time.

DJ Steckelberg’s dream world is actually located in Volga, so you can visit him there. Write to him at [email protected].