Todd Vanderwerff

When I first took my job with the Collegian, I met with the Reverend Bob Chell, who is one of the many columnists who rotate through the “Religious Viewpoints” feature.

Over dairy bar ice cream, the good reverend told me that he was sick and tired of reading columns that said, “Man, I was so drunk last night!” or “I’m getting married in something like four months! Holy crap!”

Well, Reverend Chell, consider yourself warned because you’re not going to like this column.

I’m getting married in something like four months! Holy crap!

On August 23, 2003, I will cease to be the single dating machine I have been for most of my life and become a one woman man. True, I’ve been a one woman man for the last three years or so, but come that day, I’ll be a one woman man in the eyes of the law. And that’s a far more serious proposition.

But, for some reason, this doesn’t really bother me.

I dated a lot in high school. I know you wouldn’t think that to look at my photo up there, what with my too round face and crooked smile, but I was quite the lady-killer at one time.

Okay, okay … to make that last statement true, one has to use an incredibly liberal and loose definition of lady-killer. I killed most ladies with my incredibly inept social stylings. I considered, “Hi, my name is Todd and I dressed up in my mother’s old clothes right up until the start of kindergarten,” to be a smooth pick-up line. Most of the ladies didn’t.

Some of them did and somehow, I carved out relationships that lasted anywhere from 23 hours (Stef, if you’re out there, those were the greatest 23 hours of my life) to several months.

But none of those girls were able to capture me completely. When I went off to college, I bragged about how many girls I would date as big man on campus (yes, I was an arrogant jerk, but only for the week immediately preceding college-pinky swear). I would be a man that no woman could tame.

So imagine my surprise when one did within a week of my arrival at college. The night of our first kiss, she said, “Don’t play me,” and made a sad little face. Not only was I powerless against the sad little face, but I was stunned that she had figured me out. Who’d’ve thunk that a girl would know a guy was just out for a little action? Wow!

But as time went on, I found myself falling for her. She made me laugh. She made me want to see her everyday. Even when she hadn’t bathed in several days, I found her attractive.

And so, here I am, four months from becoming her husband and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I look forward to our life together. I actually enjoy going to furniture stores.

If I leave you with anything, I hope I leave you with this. Marriage is not scary. It’s hard, to be sure, but it isn’t scary. It’s one of the noblest pursuits humans can attempt.

Try it sometime. You might like it.

Todd VanDerWerff is the Collegian’s managing editor. Write to him [email protected].