Matthew Gruchow

Dear Matthew,

Any advice on how to better oral sex? I’m looking for instruction but would rather not go by what I hear in the locker room.

– Going Below

Dear Going Below,

Instead of giving you a step by step play book for oral sex, (read: get expelled) I’ve decided to offer some broad tips and places to go for instructional material. Yes, they have instructional material on this stuff, and it’s not located in the Forum section of Penthouse magazine.

I gathered some girl friends of mine together at one point on this subject, and there were a few things that they all agreed on. Take notes.

1. Oral sex is going to be different for each woman you’re with, like sex in general. The quick and easy recipe for great oral sex is to ask your woman what she likes, when she likes it and how she likes it. Communication is 99 percent of the answer for any relationship issue. Keep this channel open if you want to keep her around, and keep the sexual fireworks exploding.

2. Soft and slow first. This is important. If you attack her clitoris without her being properly aroused you’re going to get a knee in the eye. Soft touching with long slow licks of your tongue to start is always best. When she’s aroused enough, you can move into firmer pressure with your fingers, tongue and lips. Try “slurping,” a soft, subtle sucking on the lips of her vagina and her clitoris. Don’t try to pull the thing off, just playfully suck. Also don’t switch between fast and slow strokes and directions continuously. If you hit on something she enjoys, stay with it for awhile.

3) Watch her body language. Her writhing and moans are just part of what will tell you whether she’s having a good time or not. If she’s pulling away or pushing your head away, or grabbing something sharp to poke you in the head with, a sudden and rapid change in your technique is warranted.

If you’d like further instruction, there are a couple of videos put out by sexual institutes that seem to have a fairly good reputation among women I’ve talked to. I’ve watched them and put some of their techniques to work with varying results. The Sinclair Institute at www.bettersex.com is probably the most widely known. They publish a series of sexual instruction videos including some specifically on oral sex. However, the women I’ve talked to have been less than impressed with the quality of instruction found here. The information is good for a man with little or no knowledge of the female body and how to please her.

Another, www.tantra.com is lesser known, but has a wide variety of online lessons and articles on sexual instruction and sexual betterment. They have videos, DVDs and books on oral sex, etc., but remember most of these revolve around the Kama Sutra, that ancient textbook on sex itself. Still this is an excellent success.

One last video is my favorite, and I’ve had wonderful success with it, however, I’m keeping it a secret. If I give it up, how do you expect a man with my looks to compete? Sorry.Your questions answered anonymously! Write Matt or Kara: [email protected].