Roxy Hammond

Yeesh.

I guess I was put in my place by a couple of irate people in the newspaper last week.

Apparently, they disagreed with me.

Oh well, to each their own. No hard feelings ladies.

Since I’m having one of those weeks that likes to kick you while you’re down, I’m going to write a list of things that make me happy.

Boring, right? Whatever. I suggest all of you do the same, and see how it brightens up your day.

Anyway … Things that make me happy, in no particular order.

* Food: I love food. Yeah, start cracking the fat Roxy jokes no; I do not care. With the exception of mushrooms, I’m a big fan of food.

My favorites include chicken cordon bleu and seafood. My friend Sara has a good time teasing me about my love of imitation crab meat. Some of you are probably wrinkling your noses at me right now and thinking “She’s totally disgusting.” But that’s okay with me.

* My kitty: Yes, my kitty. He’s a 12-year-old lard-ass, but he is the coolest kitty in the entire world. He’s got the mannerisms of a mentally-impaired sloth, but the only thing he would ever hurt is a fly; that’s because he likes to eat them.

If you’re ever having a bad day, just come over to my house and hang out with my cat. Sometimes I wonder how I haven’t become homicidal in college without his constant presence.

* Warmth: Not the kind you get when you pee your pants; the kind you get from crawling under the covers in your bed or from walking outside when the sun is shining. Especially in times like these (the dead of winter in So Dak), I welcome the warmth with open arms. Or maybe closed ones, holding a blankie around me – considering my internal body temperature is somewhere around 75 degrees.

* People that know how to drive: Few things make my blood pressure soar like someone who doesn’t use their blinker or doesn’t know what to do at a four-way stop.

The world would be a better place if the people that make stupid driving mistakes were removed from the roads. There are people that aren’t educated enough or don’t have enough driving experience to keep the roads safe.

* Having no homework: I’m sure everyone can agree with me on this one. If you actually enjoy doing homework, I think we should arrange to have you burned at the stake.

After drowning in crap to do all the time in college, the point which you don’t have homework ranks up there with paradise. You can play video games, read a book or take a nap. That, my friends, is happiness.