Alec Strenge

This past summer a couple of friends and I set out for a three-day “guy” adventure. Our destination was a lake cabin located in a town well-known for its summer nightlife. The trip was a blast until one frightening evening when it all went very wrong.

We came to the end of a long Friday night, and on the walk home, we decided to make a quick stop at the strip club. I had never been to one and it was a guys’ weekend so I thought ‘Why not? It’ll be fun.’ However, that wasn’t the case.

The first girl on the main stage, the only stage, bore a striking resemblance to Danny Bonaduce, the actor who played Danny in “The Partridge Family.” Only she was quite a bit larger and had various bruises all over her body. While twirling around the pole, she started slapping her chest really hard in a way that looked extremely painful. I looked over to my buddies, who appeared to be completely thrown, and I remember us all having the same pained expression.

I wanted to tell her to stop, but I couldn’t say anything. And if I gave her money, it might encourage her. So I just sat there thinking the whole time if she ever wondered why she had the bruises.

Anyway, it finally ended and the next “dancer” made her way to the stage. Unfortunately, I have yet to make peace with this particular woman and I wish not to go into great detail. I can only say that she was probably not quite 50 years old but was definitely old enough to be my mother and then some. Images of her still haunt my dreams.

At this point in the night, I had lost all the optimism for a quality experience, but it was like seeing a car wreck and not being able to look away. Despite everything, we stayed for the final dancer, which I think was mostly because we were curious what kind of woman we would encounter next.

I guessed it would be some kind of pirate-stripper with missing teeth and a wooden leg that she would just drag around the pole. Or maybe she would continue the trend of the evening by unscrewing the leg, throwing her stump on the rail and then assaulting her chest with her new stick.

However, after grabbing a few drinks we returned to the stage and were pleasantly surprised to find an attractive young woman preparing to dance. No bruises, no wooden leg. It seemed as if we were heading in the right direction at last.

As she began to dance, the seats surrounding the stage remained empty. We started to feel a bit sorry for the girl and decided to show our support for the improvement by moving closer to the stage. This seemed to please her because she shot us a huge grateful smile. And in that moment, I realized my premonition about the pirate-stripper was partly right. To this day, she remains the prettiest woman that I’ve ever seen with half a set of teeth.

Looking back on it now, the trip to the strip club turned out OK. My friends and I still laugh about it, and that night put a bizarre spin on a trip that I will not soon forget.

Alec Strenge is senior journalism major.