Roxy Hammond

There are certain things that will drive your girlfriend insane. Not putting the toilet seat down after peeing, farting at the dinner table (or in general) and making comments about ‘hot babes’ that look like trashy excuses for prostitutes … just to name a few. But all of that pales in comparison to your lazy butt being glued to video games.

Namely, Halo 2.

I hate Halo 2. If I ever meet the makers of that waste of time, I will be likely to commit a felony. Nothing has made me closer to breaking up with my boyfriend than that stupid graphic annoyance. And sadly enough, I’m not alone in the world.

I was reading Maxim the other day (yes I do that, I’m not the world’s lamest chick or anything) and it had a list of 100 things men should know about women. Number 76 was my favorite. It read “She hates your Xbox more than she lets on. Blow her off for some gaming and she’ll soon stop wasting time on a dork like you.”

You got that, Dan?

And the rest of you boys out there with your little paws glued to your fat Xbox controllers, remember that if you like women, Halo 2 and ‘getting a piece’ do not go hand and hand. Unless you’re really, really good looking … and even that doesn’t matter sometimes.

Yeah, yeah, insert nagging girlfriend joke here. I don’t care. You’d be lost without your mother, and your girlfriend is just a future replacement. Don’t forget that.

I have pondered many hours as to why I hate this video game so adamantly, and I’ve narrowed it down to a few valid reasons.

First off, it’s loud. Even as I type this column, my boyfriend is sitting in a chair two feet from our television with his little microphone clipped to his shirt. The other dumb asses he is playing with are shouting into their little microphones clipped to their shirts, making very annoying noises blare from the TV. In fact, I just heard the words “I’m gonna rape your face,” come from someone who doesn’t know how or when to shut up. Which brings me to the next reason for my hatred.

It’s immature. While I said earlier that girlfriends are just future moms in training, we absolutely do not want to start in college. Which means, we don’t want you to act like you’re 10. Or seven. Or five. Somehow, Halo 2 sucks the normally sane and mature male in and reverts them back to childhood. A childhood where they can yell things about raping each other’s faces.

#1.884447:4166095905.jpg:RoxyHammondUsethisone.jpg:Roxy Hammond, Columnist: