Roxy Hammond

I’m old.

Yes, that’s right, at the ripe age of 22 I am classifying myself as elderly. At least that’s what I feel like at the beginning of the semester.

For those of you few unfortunate souls keeping track, I’ve been here for longer than that normal four-year mark. Am I a masochist? As a matter of fact, I am. Anyone with three majors has to be.

But, as I enter my fifth year of undergrad, and I watch all my four-year friends go off and get jobs and get married and have babies, I find myself growing even more cynical and sarcastic.

I wasn’t aware that was possible. Yet, when I enter a classroom and I sit down to read through the 15-page syllabus, I don’t find myself eager to learn the material we’ll be covering. I find myself making sarcastic remarks about the content of the course. I start criticizing the professor’s grading scale or their mundane rules about assignments. I roll my eyes as the eager little freshman raise their hands and ask points of clarification about how the tests will be administered.

I think-oh you silly, little, ambitious newbies. Most of this will morph and change throughout the year, usually when the professor realizes how much work they’ve made for themselves. Don’t freak out yet.

And even when I walk through the halls and see the posters for the clubs and organizations, I find myself thinking-wow, I’ve seen all this before. Like, four times before. Groups all trying to recruit the new souls to breathe some fresh air into their organization, eagerly advertising every college student’s kryptonite-free pizza! I would know; I head some of these clubs.

Really, staying in school for more than four years brings a whole new definition to SSDD. Or should I say, SSD?year?

And I’m not even a pro at all of this. There are people that stay in school for seven, eight years. Which, all in all, I will be in school for that long by the time I’m finished with my law degree. I’m thinking I might need to take a few years off before that though, so I don’t go bonkers and flee to Mexico due to academic overload.

But seriously, as I see the freshmen enter year after year, and I start to realize that experience does come with age, I start to wonder why on earth I thought so much schooling was a good idea. Of course, when I’m making six figures, I’ll probably look back fondly at my college years, as I sip my daiquiri on the beach.

Oh, I can taste the frozen strawberries now.

Thank god my career of choice pays well?I know some that stay in school for years getting a master’s or doctorate, only to make $50,000 a year with hundreds of thousands of dollars of student loan debt.

Yay for academia!

But didn’t you know? Five is totally the new four.

And if you’ll excuse me, I need to find myself a walker.

#1.882518:1072751925.jpg:Hammond, Roxy.jpg:Roxy Hammond, Sarcastic Cynicisms: