Brandon Van Meter

I hate my friends.

This week, I was going to be responsible. For this column, my plan was to properly taste six beers scientifically. With poise, I prepared to quietly enjoy some delicious beer without bias. By bias, I mean systemically destroying a pick-a-six under a half hour and scrawl my idiot comments on a dirty napkin. Of course, my drinking buddies would not cooperate.

I tried, in vain, to do my job. It was somewhere between chugging a doppelbock (more about that later) and stealing out of a case of Keystone, I knew I was doomed. At least I woke up in my own bed.

Sam Adams Double Bock: Skip it

I’ve claimed I love my beer dark and bold. I figured there was no limit to my fascination. Readers, with this beer, I met my match. My friends and I reached the brink of insanity when we drank this brew. The resulting blackout from consuming this beer was later attributed to liver failure.

I shouldn’t be too harsh; it is a double bock, or doppelbock in German. This style of beer is notably potent.

Overall, if you’re a lumberjack or professional kick boxer, this is a beer for you.

Boston Beer CompanyBoston, Massachusetts

Leinenkugel’s Berry Weiss: It’s a joke

I might have had a good weekend, but then I drank this weak, laughably horrible beer. The packaging looks like a Care Bear relieved his bowels during a crazed acid trip in the middle of the Wisconsin wilderness. The only redeeming value of this tragedy is making fun of those who drink it. Am I being unfair? Maybe so, but fans of this “beer” should be glad I can’t swear in a newspaper.

Jacob Leinenkugel Brewing Co.Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin

Oaked Arrogant Bastard Ale: Love it

First off, as far as I know, this isn’t sold in South Dakota. Some might be disappointed that I would review a beer not available to our coverage area. I don’t care.

The first (and hopefully not last) time I drank this biting, absolutely dominating beer, it was rumored I flew into a fury and threw a compact car into a house. Fortunately, I’ve never been charged with a crime. The bottle boasts that this ale is “aged with oak chips.” Oh, that’s what must have ripped all the skin out of my mouth.

With all seriousness, I absolutely loved this beer. The joy of drinking this hellish brew comes from the extreme flavor, bitterness and carbonation. It’s like nothing I’ve ever drank before. Excuse me, I need to go cry.

Stone Brewing Co.Escondido, CA

#1.882893:869637041.jpg:vanwesten,brandon.jpg:The Big Ol’ B, College Connoisseur: