Tony ReissSuper Student

The freshman 15 is typically referred to as the weight one puts on during their freshman year of college– something that we are all warned about. I have found that there are four distinct stages to the freshman 15.

1) Denial8212;”I haven’t gained 15 pounds! What are you talking about? I have only put on 13.75 pounds. That’s nowhere near 15. Why don’t you go and check your math again Grandma. What’s that you say? You want me to weigh myself right now? Okay, fine I will and when I do I will be accepting your apology . . . and a dozen icebox cookies. “

2) Blame8212;”Your scale says 17 pounds, but I know that isn’t right. It’s your scale’s fault. It’s not accurate.”

3) New Pants Phase8212;”You know what Grandma, I don’t have sit here and take this from you. I don’t even want your icebox cookies. I need to get out of here. I am going pants shopping at Sears. No Grandma, I don’t need new pants. I want new pants because these ones have a defective waistline. On second thought, I will take some cookies for the road.”

4) Acceptance8212;”Okay. So maybe I did put on over 15 pounds in the last semester. But, that doesn’t mean elastic waist Dockers aren’t in this season. I wonder where the food court is. I could really go for a pretzel.”

The freshman 15 is something completely avoidable. Before graduating high school you could lose 15 pounds, so when you put on the freshman 15 it’s more like you’re working your way up to your normal weight. A lot of people make use of the wonderful facility on campus known as the Wellness Center. This place is great. It’s like the Noah’s Arc of gyms. There are just about two of every kind of machine. There is never a line for a treadmill or an elliptical (IDEA ALERT: A workout video starring Taylor Lautner’s abs. The title? “Twilight: Elliptical”). Eat in moderation. Grandma’s icebox cookies may have won the blue ribbon at the Koochiching County Fair in 1945, but that doesn’t mean you have to eat a dozen of them.

Chances are you are a lot like me, a die-hard foodie. I am such a fan of food that at a recent football game someone mistook me for the host of “Man vs. Food”(I didn’t correct him at first, I gave him my autograph and had him buy me a burger). I used to watch the Food Network a lot until they came out with their “50 States 50 Burgers” article and didn’t name Nick’s as the best burger in South Dakota. (In their defense the burger they named has bacon ground in with the beef8212;I haven’t had it yet, but I dream about it once a month). But being a foodie doesn’t mean you have to gain weight.

I recently went in for my decennium physical. After getting my weight and checking my other vitals, I glanced over at my chart and noticed something disturbing. Under the weight category, the nurse had circled the sad face. For those of you who are not familiar with medicalese, sad face is the proper medical term for obese. Yes, my fellow students, I am an obese American. You would never guess it by looking at me but it’s true.

This column is supposed to be about the experiences of college life, and the freshman 15 is certainly one of those experiences. I have no plans on putting on 15 more pounds just to satisfy the demands of my editors. I have decided to take the freshman 15 in another direction. I plan on losing some weight this year. As I write this I weigh a sultry 213 pounds. It is my goal to lose at least 15 pounds by graduation. I am doing this for a couple of reasons. First, I want to live a long and happy life. Second, and probably most important, I am sick of buying new pants. Elastic waist Dockers might be in this fall, but I cannot pull them off.

I will keep you all updated on my progress.

Tony Reiss is a non-traditional student majoring in economics. Contact Tony at [email protected].