This is a satirical piece.Check out this new script I wrote and hopefully will be sending to CBS for “The Big Bang Theory”. I’m an aspiring screenwriter taking a screenwriting class this semester and I really enjoy the show. This is just the one sheet; I don’t have a spec script done yet. 

We open with that nerdy apartment they all hang out in. Sheldon, the skinny one, is wearing a green lantern t-shirt (which is green), and a purple long sleeve shirt underneath. He is playing a video game on his laptop in the apartment. Sheldon says to himself “Boy, MMORPGs can really tire you out,” while sipping a glass of milk. 

Then Sheldon’s friend Howard walks in. He is short, and looks like a 30-year-old guy you would happen to see at a Hot Topic on a Sunday afternoon, possibly with his grandmother. He’s got this awesome Batman belt buckle that he wears with his skinny jeans and faux 80s button-up shirt. He has a bowl cut. Howard mentions how much of a womanizer he attempts to be, and seems frustrated about how he can never seem to sweet talk the ladies as well as he wants to. He wants to talk smoothly, like someone who doesn’t live with their mother or something. 

Sheldon makes a sarcastic remark regarding Howard’s entrance to his apartment and his venting about woman problems. The audience laughs hysterically for some reason. And the two guys just sit there for a bit while the audience laughs. Then the neighbor girl, Penny rolls into the apartment holding a dish of food. “Hey everyone,” she says. 

The audience is forced to laugh for some reason. 

“My mother came into town today, she made some hot dish.” Penny says. Then Sheldon slams his computer down in a fit of rage and glares at Penny like a weirdo. “Don’t you mean casserole?” He says while standing up walking into that somehow clean kitchen those two guys have.

“No I mean hot dish, my mom brought the ingredients from Nebraska.

The two argue about the semantics of hot dish and casserole for a few minutes and the audience laughs for about every 5 seconds. Whenever Sheldon says something he ends his sentence with “bazinga”, which the audience finds hilarious. 

Then, Will Wheaton walks in with a shirt on that says “Hot Dish 4 Lyfe” and it has a picture of that Betty Crocker lady on it. 

“Damn you Will Wheaton, you are my enemy,” Sheldon says, “if only I were able to let that small banal thing that happened to me several years ago go we could be friends.”

 Howard walks over and shakes Will’s hand. “Can we all now agree that it is called hot dish, and not casserole?” Howard says. 

“No Howard.” Sheldon says, and the audience laughs for 5 straight minutes. 

Sheldon looks at the screen and says, “We can’t because I don’t see denouement in anything in life. We will never see eye to eye because I’m so complicated and silly. So our shenanigans will never end. Dang. Now excuse me, I have to go change so we can go to the comic book store.”

After some time Sheldon comes out with a shirt that says “Bazinga” on it. The gang then starts to walk out of the room until Sheldon catches himself in the mirror. He stares deeply into the mirror while everyone is watching. He realizes what his shirt says and his head inflates for a few seconds and everyone is freaked out. 

Then, they walk by that broken elevator, and they make a comment about how they wish it were fixed. Still descending the stairs since the elevator is broken, they discuss quantum physics and Howard brings up his masters degree; then Sheldon brings up the fact he has two masters and a Ph.D. Then the group starts talking about the Fibonacci sequence and Sheldon starts rambling off the Fibonacci numbers. The audience laughs every single time he says a digit. 

While Sheldon is spewing out the numbers, another tenant walks up the stairs and accidentally touches Sheldon’s arm. This freaks him out and he starts to hyperventilate. The audience must find this hysterical because they laugh for a long time. 

The gang then finally hits the bottom of the stairs and Sheldon forgets something and forces everyone back up with him.