Horror of Valentine’s Day soon to be upon us

Nathan Sanderson

Nathan Sanderson

With Santa vacationing in Florida, Independence Day a distant vision and Thanksgiving almost 300 days away, I cringe at the thought of the upcoming holiday. Those of us who figure that the best holidays of the year should be spread out a little more are left to deal with those annual celebrations where big bucks are spent on flowers that will wither in five days and candy that will make our loved ones fat. All the while, the memory of a simpler time floats through our heads, when St. Valentine’s day of love meant a stick of Wrigley’s Spearmint in a $0.45 Valentine with Papa Smurf on the front.

Everyone complains about how commercialized all U.S. holidays have become. In a time when Thanksgiving is football and turkey, and Christmas is Santa and presents, St. Valentine’s day has become crappy heart candy and flowers.

Have you ever noticed that you can get gifts of junk like napkin rings, shoelaces and some $0.32 candy in a basket, and that is considered a gift? If you got that crap in anything but a basket, you’d kick that person’s butt (especially if you got them something nice). But, put that trash in a wicker basket and tie red hearts to it, and that’s an appropriate Valentine’s Day present. Really, what can you expect to receive two months after your lover spent $4,900 on a new 70″ Flat Screen TV and a DVD player to upgrade your entertainment system?

As Feb. 14 approaches, let’s forget the commercialism that dominates the main stream of society. Let’s ignore the trend of today and just spend St. Valentine’s Day with the person we love most. This year, tell your girlfriend that you have decided not to buy candy or flowers, and that you’re not going out to dinner. Instead, tell her you should just stay in and spend some quality time watching David Letterman. If you manage to get to the word “David” in that last statement without her walking out on you, threatening to walk out on you or punching you in the face, you’re doing well, my friends. When you cave, remember RED roses.

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