Being a couple: The basics

Nathan Sanderson

Nathan Sanderson

(Editor’s Note: “The Newsletter” runs weekly and discusses male and female relationships from a decidedly male perspective. If you wish to put Nathan Sanderson in his place, write him at [email protected].)

As one distinguished professor in the animal science department noted, “What’s with this negative stuff?can’t you be more positive?”

Often in this soap opera called life, we focus on the negative aspects of our relationships and forget about all the good things. This is why personal relationships sometimes feel like someone is splashing you in the face as you tread water in the deep end of the pool while holding a brick.

In that situation, it’s difficult to remember that you are burning one thousand calories per hour.

While courting a member of the opposite sex, one of the first bonding moments happens when the two of you split your first malt or soda (two straws, but one glass, of course).

In any relationship, sharing is an integral part of the maturation process. After all, couples seem to live by the phrase, “What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine.”

Guys, remember that since you are now “dating,” it is okay to raid her refrigerator at any time.

Girls, don’t think twice about using the last of his shave gel or toilet paper and not mentioning the fact until he’s already in the bathroom.

Ahhh … the positives of coupledom.

Another encouraging aspect of any relationship is the care shown between partners for one another. Women spend their lives trying to find someone to take care of, while men go through life trying to find someone willing to do that job for them.

This is especially apparent when women “remind” their men in that piercing, high-pitched way to “pick up your week-old laundry and clean up your filthy room” (or else no lovin’ for you, young man).

Men also care for the females in their lives by reducing the consumable items at their disposal (especially any sugar, chocolate, caffeine, or meat), consequently eliminating any possible questions such as, “Am I fat?” or “Does my butt look big in this?” Indirectly this saves the gentleman from actually having to answer those questions.

In any situation, it is possible to see that wonderful plastic toy in the over-cooked, greasy happy meal of life if you look hard enough.

All you have to do is focus on your partner’s good qualities and avoid the ones that make you feel like chewing on aluminum foil while listening to a long-nailed female scratch her name on the chalkboard as Gilbert Gottfried sings “The Song that Doesn’t End.”

Nathan Sanderson writes about relationships for the Collegian from a male perspective. Contact him at [email protected].