Dj Steckelberg

If you woke up this morning lucky you, I may not have.

I have been sick lately. I mean really, really sick. The kind of cough-till-you-throw-up, “hey- quit-stabbing-me-in-the-head- with-that-ice-pick-oh-I-can’t- move-because-I-have-fallen-into- a-coma” type sick.

Needless to say, I haven’t been the happiest camper in the tent.

I went to Student Health and they took extraordinary care of me. They ran tests, asked questions. We had fun!

And when it was all said and done, I could afford it?albeit thanks to the magic of my credit card. They are my heroes.

“But DJ” you say, “Student Health makes up part of the trifecta of SDSU humor, along with Aramark and the UPD. How can you not make fun of them?”

Well my friends, I am on the road to recovery thanks to them. My good doctor and nurse deserve nothing but admiration.

My bad will centers on the fact that I am sick in the first place. WHY? What is the point? I mean?other than the way I live my life.

Honestly, with the way I live, I should be four hundred pounds looking at the world through the fogged-up mirror of my Iron Lung. But instead, I get sick once in a while and cry about it.

Why do we get sick? More importantly, why do I get sick? I have no time for this. Some puny little virus gets into my system and wreaks havoc for weeks on end? I don’t think so!

And then to cure it I pop a few little pills, drink a couple of magic potions and get “plenty of liquids?”

How does a little pill that I need to take with food know what to do? And why must I take it with food? Does it find cover in the camouflage of a grilled cheese sandwich?

“Cover me Sandy ol’ boy, I’m going in!”

“Oh, do be careful Trimox! We need him in one piece so the white blood cells can interrogate him.”

This all sounds like a waste of time to me. I think it would behoove us all if we just changed color when we were sick.

Think about. The doctors could diagnose illness faster just by creating a color chart and then comparing your skin tone to the proper sickness.

If we still had to feel bad, other people could tell if we were faking or not. “Did you see DJ the other day? That lazy buttface said he couldn’t help out because he was sick. I saw him and he only had the purple. Wuss.”

And the drug companies would still be in business which I think we can all agree is a good thing.

All in all, until we get this color-coded thing under way I don’t suggest to anyone that they get sick. I, for one, am on strike!

DJ Steckelberg caught an acute case of the jungle greens after eating three-month-old meat. Comfort him at [email protected].