You think we have it bad? Then you should see Indiana!

Nathan Sanderson

Nathan Sanderson

Last week in Indianapolis, Indiana, a man died on the interstate at approximately 6 p.m.

The gentleman in question was reportedly hit by an 18-wheeler, a pickup and at least six cars.

He was standing in the middle of the road facing oncoming traffic.

Sounds like an open-and-shut case to me.

However, the Indianapolis police department has been unable to determine exactly what happened.

Why?

No one that hit him has come forward.

This obviously suicidal fellow was smacked by at least eight vehicles and no one will admit to running him over!

That’s just a portion of my Indiana experience from last weekend.

On that same day 27 people died and 51 were injured at a night club in downtown Indy. There wasn’t a fire, an explosion, or a shooting.

These casualties occurred because some girl sprayed mace on a guy that was getting too friendly with her.

Well, that doesn’t sound too bad.

Does it?

The U.S. government’s “Condition-Orange” statement of a few weeks ago put so many people on edge that the crowd thought the mace was some kind of biological agent.

In their panic-induced surge down a narrow stairwell, those 27 souls were crushed to death because the crowd thought it was a terrorist attack.

I mention these two things because I am moving to Indiana in May. I’ve always been open to changes of location, but some of these folks are downright nuts.

I’ve seen strange things in my day, but the guy I saw in the lobby of the Indiana State Museum takes the cake.

As I entered the museum, I saw a 45 year old man, about 6’5″ tall who weighed at least 300 pounds. He appeared normal enough, until you looked closer.

Slung over one shoulder was a pink Powerpuff Girls backpack, far too large for any young child to carry. In addition, this pony-tail sporting, black leather jacket wearing dude was flipping through a Japanimation cartoon magazine and humming the Gilligan’s Island theme song.

It was like Arnold Schwarzenegger, a Hell’s Angel’s gang leader and Avril Lavigne all rolled into one!

I’m sure that not all folks from Indiana are that strange–I know one guy who’s a little crazy, but not weird.

Since I can’t get out of moving, I guess I’ll just have to try to blend in with the local population.

I suppose all I have to do to fit in is learn to love basketball and racing and find out what the heck a Hoosier is.

Nathan Sanderson is just glad he’s not being forced to relocate to the lovely tropical resort of northern Siberia. In comparison, Indiana seems almost peachy! Write to him at [email protected]