Lies can save your relationships

Nathan Sanderson

Nathan Sanderson

Honesty is the most important aspect in any relationship. Without open lines of communication, that special someone in your life will grow as distant as the nooky you’re looking for.

There are times, however, when it may not be feasible to be exactly truthful. In these instances, it is generally acceptable to slightly skew your answer to be respectful to your significant other.

To assist the tactless masses on the campus, here are some phrases to use when situations require an answer that may not be 100 percent true. These passages reflect why honesty truly is the best policy and why, as George Costanza said, “It’s only a lie if you don’t believe it.”

Remember to only use these lines in an extreme emergency–over-use will limit their effectiveness and the author takes no responsibility for the junk-kicking you will receive.

1.) “Of course you’re not fat–I shrunk those clothes in the laundry.”

2.) “Yes, I really love you, too.”

3.) “No baby, your family’s not weird–I like interesting people.”

4.) “There’s no way the video camera in my bedroom is on–it must be charging…”

5.) “I’m a little nervous–I’ve never done this with anyone else before.”

There are other times when you may be caught in an act that may not be what one would call “appropriate.” In order to save face so you do not look like Dan Quayle on “Larry King Live,” here are some short quips that may give you a little damage control and protect that tiny shred of respect you’re clinging to.

1.) “I wasn’t staring at her–she had the most interesting … jeans.”

2.) “There’s no need to appraise your ring–of course it’s a real diamond.”

3.) “I think your cooking is great–I love Cajun.”

4.) “There is no doubt in my mind that you look better than your sister.”

5.) “You’re right–she had two large, round, perky, voluptuous … eyes.”

It should be mentioned at this point that I was assisted in this compilation by three single guys who haven’t had a date in months. With this in mind, here are several more fire-extinguishing lines.

1.) “There is nothing I’d rather do than spend time with you.”

2.) “Of course I’m not interested in sex on the first date.”

3.) “I enjoy sleeping on the couch–it’s good for my back.”

4.) “Two females? That’s gross!”

If none of these “truths” seem to work for you, I suppose you could always tell the actual truth and deal with the consequences. However, if you cannot stoop to such a level and really need an out, you could use the line that another single friend of mine has made famous.

If you’re in a bind, try, “You’re not as easy as some of the other girls I’ve dated.”

I hope you make it past the first date.

Nathan Sanderson never needs to lie to protect his dignity in his relationship, which is why you should listen to him. Write to him at [email protected].