No one wants to be disemboweled. That’s why the impending arrival of the orcish horde is weighing heavily on some students’ minds as of late.

According to representatives from the orcish horde itself, our insolence will no longer be tolerated. No further information was given as to what exactly that means, however we were given a list as to what we collectively are paying more attention to, than the aforementioned orcish horde: basketball, ponies, sex, money, crackers and Toby Uecker.

There are some who believe that the orcish horde are merely tossing off empty threats and that we should not be concerned about retaliation until we see the red of their eyes.

Others feel that this impending change of leadership could be a positive change for their life. To be fair, most of these individuals are the freshmen stacked seven high in makeshift dorm rooms campuswide, thus their opinion doesn’t matter anyway.

However, the sad fact is that the most prevalent reaction campuswide is denial. It is as though most of the student don’t even realize that we’re all about to be destroyed by those axes of evil, the orcs. One could chalk this up to typical student apathy and disinterest in the world around them, but it seems more likely that a liberal media bias is keeping all information from students in an attempt to control the world. DAMN YOU LIBERAL NEWS MEDIA! DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL!

But when someone like Wartooth Blackfoot of the Deathrock clan says, “The humans are going to have to face up to what their insolence has caused through the years. We are sick of their treachery. Their treachery only spreads hatred and death.”

It is time to take a long, hard look at ourselves and to see what it is that prompts Blackfoot to say things such as these. This is not your standard issue, straight off the shelf anger. No sir. This is an anger that will burn through the ages and consume an entire race in a war that will span generations.

If one needs further examples of what the orcs are capable of, we recommend watching “The Lord of the Rings” or playing “Warcraft.”

Typically, when a thundering herd of bloodthirsty warriors, hell-bent on wreacking havoc and destroying our society invade the country, we here at the Collegian are decidedly in the middle as to the actions we should take. However, this invasion is an unthinkable turn of events and we feel that the only appropriate response is to weep openly and completely surrender.

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