The end is nigh my friends. The end is nigh.
Grab your gas masks, your duct tape, steel-toed shoes, safety scissors, “Playboys/girls”, canned food, favorite body part, lap top, ace bandages, guns, knives, salad shooters, rain coats, mittens and underwear. Whatever you need to survive Armageddon.
Go buy some water bottles, empty them and fill with your favorite liquor. For this week we celebrate HOBO DAYS … I mean HALLOWEEN … I mean HOBOWEEN!!!
In one of the most ingeniously risky moves this, or any, university has ever made, we fulfill two of the biggest partying days of the year in one glorious, self-over-indulgent, decadent weekend.
Put on your costume around 3 p.m. Friday, leave on through the game on Saturday where I am sure the Jacks will upset St. Cloud, and don’t take it off until the Vikes beat the Packers Sunday night.
I think HOBOWEEN should be a tradition at State from now on.
“But DJ”, you whine, “Halloween doesn’t always happen on a Friday.”
I have been bitching about that for years.
It’s time we changed what is inherently wrong with this country: poor holiday scheduling.
It will be fairly easy.
Any holiday where most Americans get the day off from work we move to either a Friday or a Monday, thus ensuring a three-day weekend.
Any holiday where there will be partying until the wee hours of the morning will be scheduled for Fridays exclusively, thus limiting any work related excuses for not going out.
Think of the scheduled hours of work that wouldn’t have to be missed because people called in sick with a hangover, or designated driver tiredness. Productiveness and moral would be at an all- time high. Workers would have more money to spend for the next holiday, putting even more money into the economy. Soon taxes would lower and then interest rates.
We could all live in great homes and drive killer cars.
With our newfound wealth and no need to worry about our decreasing spare time due to this new way of living, we could concentrate on the things in life that are important.
Crime would decrease, compassion for your fellow man would increase, soon there would be no pollution, violence in the streets or boy bands.
A plague of world peace would beset this Earth. We happy graduates of SDSU would love to hear from the ol’ school, and yes, we would be glad to send more money.
So have a good time this weekend folks.
And party with the knowledge in your hearts that the start of a new era is in our grasp. Now grab yourself a costume, and support SDSU’s HOBOWEEN!
DJ Steckelberg has tons more great ideas for more wonderful holidays. Hear his great thoughts at [email protected]