Conspiracy theories invade columnist’s life

Dj Steckelberg

Dj Steckelberg

So I have spent the last few weeks watching season one of “Alias” on DVD. Until I was introduced to this show, I lived a life blissfully unaware of how dangerous this world really is. I am now a fully fledged, grossly unqualified, conspiracy theorist.

Around every corner I see shadows, in every speech from the White House I look for clues as to what is really going on. Little nuances in word selection, what meaning lies behind the meaning.

What frightens me about my new view of the world is not that there are nefarious people in the world. This I already knew. What keeps me awake at night is what I don’t know. I realize, of course, that what I don’t know about this world is directly proportional to how much time I waste watching TV shows like “Alias.” But that doesn’t worry me. I am just performing my Patriotic duty.

As I was saying, what keeps me up at night is what I don’t see. We’ve all heard the reports of our intelligence community failing us. Whistle blowers in the FBI said that reported terrorist activities went ignored. Since that time we have gone through “orange” alerts with nothing happening.

Before we went to Iraq the second time, the news media bombarded us with former weapons inspectors insisting that Iraq had Weapons of Mass Destruction. They swore by it. Now we have found nothing.

“Click.” (That’s the noise my brain makes when it has a new conspiracy theory.)

I think that the inspectors the UN sent in the first time were right. Saddam was hiding WMD programs and hardware from the inspectors. So, we sent in some operatives to find and extract the weapons in a black ops mission code-named “Ceramic Angel.” I think we succeeded. Kind of. I also think that some of the WMD’s ended up in some bad hands. Now the inspectors are unable to find anything because the country was swept clean. The current administration can’t reveal what the CIA has done without a national security risk, so they pretend that WMD’s are no longer the big issue and that bagging Sadaam is. And of course it is because he has access to the WMD’s or the people that have them and he can give us the list, and we can quietly eliminate them without the public ever knowing what’s really going on.

In the mean time the intelligence community has a bigger problem. I don’t know what it is, but it’s huge. The whistle blowers after the 9-11 tragedy were junior level officers who weren’t in the loop. They didn’t know that their requests were be ignored because their bosses had bigger fish to fry. Whatever these fish are, they are dangerous, because we put all of our resources on this new threat, trying to find out as much information as we can . And it has nothing to do with terrorists. At least not the kind that we know.

However, I do find it interesting that the President announces that we are going back to the moon to set up a base. Yes, very interesting indeed.

This is what keeps me up at night. The threat that I don’t know about that keeps our intelligence experts up at night. The one we are going to space for.

I can’t prove anything yet. But, I’m sure that once I buy season two of “Alias,” things will become clearer. Until then citizens, keep one eye to the sky and an ear to the pavement. Be well. Be Safe. Be Jammin’.

DJ Steckelberg welcomes your conspiracy theories and donations at [email protected]