Broken nose means virginity still intact

Margie Creen

Margie Creen

People get broken noses for all sorts of reason, normal reasons, if you will.

This is the true account of how this reporter broke her nose.

(Mom, if you happen to read this, what I told you about me and Sara wrestling is the truth and this is a lie. Everyone else, this is the truth and what I told my mom was a lie.)

Saturday night, I went to a party where I met this super, terrific guy. Long story short, I ended up at his place with my back on his bed.

“I want to see the panties you have on,” he told me.

“Okay,” I said. (Note to self, whenever a guy asks to see the undergarments, run away, far, far away.)

I couldn’t remove my pants without standing up, so that’s what I did. I stood up. Big mistake.

I straddled him in attempt to be erotic as I pulled down my pink lounge pants.

“What do you think?” I asked him with my sexiest smile.

“Nice,” he said.

And that’s when it happened. The world literally went crashing down as my legs got tangled up in my pants and I fell through the air.

Theoretically, I should have landed right next to him. That’s what separates theories and laws. Laws are actually true. There are exceptions to theories, and dammit, I was one of them.

As I fell, Mr. Super-Terrific Guy sat up for some reason. I have no idea if he was trying to be a gentleman and catch me or what, but he should have stayed where he was because my free falling nose crashed right into his rising forehead.

Crack, crack! went my nose.

Tear, tear! went my eyes.

F***, f***! went my mouth.

The guy ran and got me ice. I let my tears flow as he offered to drive me to the ER right then and there. I declined.

Needless to say, my throbbing nose kept his throbbing unmentionable organ from my unmentionable area. Talk about good birth control.

For Ss and Gs, I went to the ER the next day. As I explained to the receptionist, EMT, doctor and x-ray technician that ‘me and a guy were just horsing around,’ they all gave me a slight smile that clearly said they knew I was lying.

While I waited for the x-rays to develop, the doctor told me he didn’t think it looked broken. Yeah, well, the x-rays proved him wrong.

For the next four to six weeks, all I have is a broken nose, a damaged ego and no second date. But at least I still have my virginity, Mom.

Margie Creen is a junior journalism major and English minor.

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