Edward Kearns

Dear Edward,

I love my girlfriend very much. In fact, I have even considered asking her to marry me. While at a party a few weeks ago something completely unexpected happened. Lets just say I found her in a “more than friendly” position with one of her girl friends. I don’t have anything against homosexuals but this is my girlfriend and I am having a hard time dealing with this. She spends a lot of time with this girl and I can’t help but think that this has happened more than once. I don’t want this to cause a big problem in our relationship, but everything seems more uncomfortable now. I want to talk to her about it and straighten everything out but I don’t know how. Can you help?

~Seriously Confused

Dear Seriously Confused,

I can really understand how this is causing a certain level of discomfort. Anytime you catch someone in an intimate act there can be a level of tension between you for a while. I can only imagine how high that level is when it is something as unexpected as this.

First, I have to ask if this party involved alcohol. I keep asking myself, how many times does this happen to young couples at college? Having first hand knowledge of all the stupid things a person will do when alcohol is involved, I am assuming it happens a lot. That being said, it could have very well been a one-time thing.

You’re right, though, you do need to talk about it if for no other reason than to clear the air. Be sure to approach it very gently; you don’t want this to start out as an argument.

Having spent my life with a number of gay, lesbian and bisexual friends, I have one very important piece of advice for you – if you are thinking “threesome” stop! I can’t think of anything that would cause the conversation to turn ugly faster than that thought.

The best thing for you is to shed your assumptions going into the conversation. This will make it much easier for you to really listen to what she has to say. If you go in believing this is a regular habit the conversation is pointless. She won’t be able to change your mind.

If you learn that she really does like girls during this discussion, be ready to make some decisions about your relationship. That doesn’t just mean whether to break up with her or not, but how things are going to work. If this is the case, you will have to make your feeling on her exploration known and listen to hers as well. I’m positive that in there somewhere the two of you will work things out.

If you have a question for Edward or Kristin, send it to [email protected].

#1.885073:938218600.jpg:edwardmug.jpg:Edward Kearns: