Fellow students, do you realize that SDSU is not providing you with a crucial service? They provide food, housing, financial assistance and this place even has an equestrian team (seriously, that’s really sweet), but one service is not currently offered – a dating expert.
How could we overlook this crucial position? Let’s be honest, there are only two reasons we came to SDSU: for a top-tier education and the opportunity to meet a potential life mate (or if you’re like me, you saw “Jackrabbits” at a college fair and immediately signed on). Let’s put this in perspective, we all have academic advisers, some even have financial advisers, but where is my love adviser?
Heck, I would even go for a “modest handshake and smile” adviser. But, since we all need help and we need it fast, I am going to bear the load for the entire student population. I, Kyle Jameson, am going to be your dating adviser.
I know what you’re thinking, what makes me qualified to give dating advice to college students? Have I had a series of committed relationships? Not at all. Am I even in a relationship? Yes, if you count my commitment to watching It’s Always Sunny every week. Am I at least majoring in counseling? Not even close.
What I do have, my friends, are years of experience being human, enjoying the company of other humans and being ridiculously cheap when it comes to my entertainment and nourishment needs. Isn’t that what college dating is all about?
My goal is to enlighten y’all on the mysteries of love or at least give you some killer conversation starters and unconventional first date ideas. Brookings may not be a very big town, but I promise you there are some unique courting possibilities for you and your companion. Using my instinctive resourcefulness, I will be the MacGyver of dates. Give me a rubber band, a rice cake and a ream, and you will be married in nine months.
If at the end of the day my ideas are less than satisfactory and you’re still as lonely as my bank account, I apologize in advance. But remember, I am doing this for free – kind of like the BATA bus drivers – and you will thank me later. Or at least giggle at my expense with your girlfriends in Pierson Hall.
I will close with my first dating tip: Go Dutch, because I only have enough cash for one of us and everyone likes wooden shoes and tulips.