Jump over line leads to offense

Brady C. Mallory

Brady C. Mallory

A true dichotomy lies within each individual of the human race, and at times, we are capable of actions that would not otherwise define us. Last week I wrote a column about experiences I gained during my summer. While not intending to hurt anyone, I did not merely cross a line; I jumped over one. To the people whose feelings I did not consider, I apologize. This column thus far has taken a satirical tone, and my goal is to make people laugh through my observations. That said, I do not want to become the kind of writer who utilizes malice and disregards the feelings of those around me. The situations from last week’s column I created were embellished caricatures, and did not reflect the nature, personality or integrity of actual individuals. I clearly misjudged the state of my piece of writing and did not consider the people for whom I have great affection. With great humility and respect to the ones I wronged, I am very sorry. I am hoping to take these lessons I have learned this past week in order to make this column something everyone can enjoy.

In my 21 years, I have had the great fortune of meeting many individuals from many walks of life. My three years worth of SDSU have introduced to me three years worth of people, and regrettably, I cannot remember all of their names. You, my readers, certainly know what I am talking about.

I am referring to those awkward moments where you run into someone you have met, but have no recollection of meeting. Unfortunately there is never time to identify this person, unless you are one of those special people who has the Internet on their phone. Well, I’m sorry, I own a Razr and I do not have the luxury of making this random person wait while I Facebook them.

Left to my own devices, I always find it best to bring up current classes, or perhaps the latest episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8. Though I am growing increasingly uncomfortable having a conversation that is going nowhere, my anonymous peer seems to enjoy this meaningless small talk. If you are like me, the more bored with a conversation you get, the higher your voice is. By the time your voice has reached tones that only dogs can hear, you have exhausted all the social niceties that you were taught in middle school. Mixed with those fake laughs I am so fond of, your conversation has just reached a time of 45 minutes; now what?

We all know there is no hope of breaking these chit-chats, because no matter how many times you look at your feet, this person is just not getting the drift that the day you stood in line for coffee was just not as meaningful to you as it was to them. The time total is at two hours, and you can only handle listening to this drifter’s life story for so much longer.

Thus, you slowly start backing away, and mention that, though you live in a dorm room, you have left the oven on and your Thanksgiving turkey you are making in September will surely burn. Obviously this does not work, because with each careful step backward, John Doe keeps taking a step forward, which keeps progressing until your surroundings are completely different. Another hour later, a simple colloquy that started at the Union ends at the Kum & Go. You may say, but Brady, while you’re there, you can make the most of your trip and purchase a candy bar. I appreciate your sentiment, but candy bars, like my ambitions to get an A in math class, fade.

By the time this has all happened, you then realize that this person has confused you for someone else completely. My point is, you should never be rude and say, “I’m sorry, what is your name again?” This would expose you for the manner-less fraud that you truly are. That is why I recommend if you meet someone whose moniker escapes you, simply run screaming in the other direction, and avoid the situation altogether.