In today’s high-tech world: What Would Jesus Twitter?

Brady C. Mallory

Brady C. Mallory

It is hard to go anywhere or see anything that does not hold a reflection of the implications of social media. Once upon a time, we remembered the birthdays of our five closest friends. Now, Facebook reminds us about the birthdays of our 2,000 closest strangers. We’ve blogged, MySpaced and iChatted and now I feel that it is my duty, my fate, if you will, to ask the question nobody is asking: What if Jesus had Twitter?

As we enter yet another decade, we carry with us another “it” idea. Reinvention is so in right now, why wouldn’t Jesus want to be a presence on the Web? Think about it. How many people belonging to this generation, which I believe is Generation Y, though that may have been a one-hit wonder boy band in the late 90s … I think I am losing my train of thought. Okay, where was I? Currently, my generation and those below me are divorcing themselves from books in order to begin a torrid love-affair with anything defined as interactive media.

Before you dismiss my quandary as sacrilegious, allow me to bestow upon you, my new blog family, why this is not so outrageous. Hillary Clinton once told me, not me personally, but the audience at her rally, that each newborn baby in the U.S. already has $30,000 of debt on his head. For me, it means that I had to charge a $4.12 coffee from Starbucks. For advertising companies, it means spending capital on outdoor displays and print media has lost its appeal. This is traced back to my first thought about the 25-and- under crowd losing its luster towards books and newspapers. We find ourselves in a time when the fodder in print cannot boast the traffic online entities receive. Instead, these companies are using Twitter to maintain their marketability.

I will venture a bold guess that Jesus is a thrifty man and can appreciate a good deal. I would also assume that He would rather donate His money to philanthropic charges than spend it on 30-sheet displays, or spectaculars in Times Square. Ipso facto, Jesus would want to use Twitter and tweet about…Jesusy things. Plus, Jesus could use His cellphone, either a Blackberry Pearl or an iPhone, to update his Tweets. Here are some of the Tweets I envision:

“JC03: is volunteering at a soup kitchen, and you should too!”

“JC03: is perplexed by how well the Mr. Clean Magic Erasers work. Now those can perform some miracles!”

“JC03: doesn’t think President Obama is Hitler. Do unto others!”

“JC03: thinks Kanye West is a tool! Hearts Taylor Swift!”

I personally think it would be cool if Jesus had Twitter so I could know what His thoughts were regarding art, entertainment, religion, food, literature, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag and just life in general. Not to be litigious, but while the Bible gives insight into the Christian ideology, it was not written by Jesus. If Jesus had written the Bible, He certainly would have done a book tour, as well as done the voice work for the audio version. With all proceeds donated to His favorite charity, of course.

What if Jesus had Twitter? What if we could just read His thoughts, rather than interpret what a doctrine, fueled by political agenda, has told us? What if Jesus could tell us of the path to true elysium, or at the very least, his American Idol predictions all in a precise 140 characters? How would we live and treat others if the guesswork was taken out of Christianity and we could read Jesus in first person? Perhaps that sentiment can be this millennium’s answer to the song, “What if God Was One of Us?”. I would have made this into a song, but I cannot think of enough words that rhyme with Twitter to necessitate an entire song, let alone one that would be a radio hit by Billboard Magazine’s standards.

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